


Titanium

by thewriterofperfectdisasters



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Child Abuse, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Swearing, ah crap i started writing another au, apologies in advance, homophobic parents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-22
Updated: 2014-03-01
Packaged: 2017-12-24 07:35:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 26,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/937247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewriterofperfectdisasters/pseuds/thewriterofperfectdisasters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another town, another school. But this one has something the others hasn't. A very attractive and single guy willing to date Dean. Small issue though. Castiel's father - the town preacher - doesn't know about Cas. And everyone would prefer to keep it that way. But can they keep a secret like that for very long?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In the beginning, there was an incident involving Gabriel.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't really edit this so, sorry.  
> It probably won't make sense.  
> Blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
> 
> BUT IT'S NEARLY 2AM SO WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME.

_The only one who could ever reach me,_

_Was the son of a preacher man,_

_The only boy who could ever teach me,_

_Was the son of a preacher man,_

_Yes he was, he was, ooh, he was..._

_\- Dusty Springfield – ‘Son of a Preacher Man’_

* * *

 

 

‘Dean, get up! You have to drive me to school.’ Sam pulled the covers back and down Dean’s bed – which were promptly pulled back up.

‘No, Sammy. Take the bus.’ Dean mumbled into his pillow.

‘I don’t know which one to take.’ Sam sighed exasperatedly. ‘It’s your first day too.’

‘I don’t care.’

‘Dean, get up.’ Dean heard Sam’s soft footsteps exit the room and return a few moments later. ‘If you don’t get up, I will dump this water on you.’

‘Sammy, c’mon. We can start tomorrow.’ Dean whined.

‘Dean.’ Sam let a small dribble of water trickle from the bucket and onto Dean’s bare shoulder. ‘Last warning.’

‘You little shit.’ Dean dropped his legs from the bed and sat up, rubbing his eyes. ‘If you don’t get out right this second, you’re going to get a nice surprise. Probably involving mud and your room.’

Sam backed swiftly away and out the door. ‘Ten minutes, Dean!’

‘Yeah, yeah.’ Dean yawned. ‘Time for the horror of high school.’

 

* * *

 

Dean didn’t hear a word the kid said. He was too distracted by the impossibly blue eyes, messy dark hair and gorgeous bone structure. After a few too many seconds staring at the guy’s face, he realised the perfect mouth had quirked into a smile.

‘You okay?’ The voice was deeper than he expected for someone his age.

‘Yeah yeah. Fine.’ Dean cleared his throat. ‘What’d you say your name was?’

‘Castiel Novak. I’m on the welcoming committee. We have a free period together so I was asked to show you around.’ He raised an eyebrow. ‘Your name?’

‘Dean Winchester...’ He trailed off after noticing – how had he noticed that? – one of Castiel’s collarbones was visible through the neck of his shirt, which had been pulled sideways by the strap of a huge backpack. ‘Castiel is a weird name.’ He said absently as they began walking.

‘I suppose. It’s biblical.’ Castiel said, sounding embarrassed.

‘Biblical?’

‘Yeah. My Dad is a preacher. My Mother is also quite religious. I have Gabriel, Raphael, Michael and Balthazar for brothers. My sister, Anna, is named after a prophetess.’

‘Jesus.’ Dean muttered. ‘Oh shit, sorry. Do you consider that offensive..?’

Castiel laughed. ‘Not at all. My parents would be horrified though.’

‘It’s good they aren’t here then.’

Castiel rolled his eyes. ‘You never know with them.’

‘So...’ Dean said, running a hand through his hair. ‘Where are we?’

‘I’m just showing you where your classes are. Oh, here’s your timetable...’ Castiel said, handing him a bunch of papers.

‘Thanks.’

‘Have you got any siblings?’ Castiel asked after a few minutes silence. ‘You know I do, so...’

‘Yeah,’ Dean smiled. ‘My brother, Sam. Little nerd.’

‘How old is he?’

‘He’s  fourteen.’

‘Oh, is he here too?’

‘Somewhere. How old are your siblings?’

‘Anna and Gabriel are the only other two left here. My other brothers are all at college. I’m the youngest though.’

‘Are you triplets or something?’ Dean asked.

‘Adopted.’

‘Oh.’

‘Mm. It doesn’t feel like it though. We were all adopted at the age of a week or less.’ Castiel said absently.

‘Wow.’ Dean said. ‘You should introduce us.’

‘No.’ Castiel said immediately. ‘That’s a bad idea. Really bad. Gabriel is nothing like me. Or Anna.’

‘It’ll be _fine_.’ Dean smiled.

Castiel looked unsure, but pulled out his phone.

‘What are you doing?’

‘They have a free period too.’ Castiel’s phone _ding_ ed with a reply a few seconds later. ‘They’re in the library.’

They headed off in the direction Castiel said was to the library, and found themselves outside a huge brick structure. Castiel pushed open the door and waited for Dean to follow him through. He led Dean through winding bookshelves to a secluded corner where there was a group of armchairs, two of the four occupied.

‘Hey bro!’ A short sandy haired guy called out. ‘Is this the Dean dude?’

‘I’m the Dean dude, yeah.’ Dean smiled. ‘You’re Gabriel?’

‘The one and only.’ Gabriel pointed at the redhead sitting beside him. ‘And that’s Anna.’

‘Hi.’ Anna said, pulling her head out of her book. ‘Wow, Cas. Good choice.’

‘What?’ said Dean, at the exact same time that Castiel said: ‘Anna!’

She winked at them before going back to her book.

‘I second that notion.’ Gabriel said, pulling a chocolate bar from his bag. ‘Can I call you Deano?’

‘What? No.’ Dean said confusedly.

‘Hmm. Not very smart, Cas. Better luck next time.’

Castiel  muttered something that sounded suspiciously like: ‘For fucks’ sake.’ And turned on his heel and back out of the library.

Dean followed him. ‘What just happened?’

‘You met my asshole of a brother.’

‘I noticed.’ Dean paused. ‘Are you gay?’

Castiel turned bright red. ‘No!’ he spluttered. ‘Of course n–’

‘’Cause it’s okay if you are.’ Dean interrupted. ‘It doesn’t matter to me.’

Castiel sighed. ‘Yeah, okay.’

‘You are?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Well that clears that up.’ _Shit._

 


	2. Covertly Discussing Secret Secrets... With Sam.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘Apparently. Sam thinks I’m so far in the closet I’m friends with Mr Tumnus, Peter and Edmund and we’re having a weird gay forest orgy or something.’

Dean was 16. He was freaking out. Or rather, had been freaking out for a while, and had just come to a conclusion. He thought Sam was too young to know, and definitely didn’t want to tell his father, so Dean confided in the one person he thought he could trust absolutely.

_Hey Jo?_

_Yes Dean?_

_Can I tell you something?_

_Yeah of course._

Dean waited before sending a reply. Maybe he waited a bit too long because he got another text from Jo.

_Dean, what’s wrong? Actually never mind. I’m calling you as soon as this sends._

As promised, Dean’s phone rang just as he finished reading the text.

‘Dean.’

‘Jo.’

‘Are you okay?’ Jo sounded genuinely concerned.

‘Yeah. It’s just...’

‘You can tell me stuff, Dean. I’m your best friend.’

Dean sighed. ‘I know. I’m...’

‘For fuck’s sake, Dean. Spit it out.’

‘Jesus Christ, okay then! Just... I don’t know. Don’t hate me.’

‘Why would I hate you? What did you do?’

‘Nothing. I...’ Dean lowered his voice – he didn’t want anyone else to hear. ‘I think I might be bi.’

Jo paused and for a moment, Dean thought she was going to start yelling abuse at him. Of course, he knew Jo better than that. ‘So?’

‘So? Is that all you have to say?’ Dean asked tentatively.

‘Well, yeah.’ She laughed. ‘There’s not much else I can say. I was expecting it earlier, actually.’

‘What?’ Dean yelped.

‘Dude, you check out as many guys as you do girls. Probably more if I kept a running total.’

‘Oh, God. Has it been that obvious?’ Dean squirmed.

‘Yeah, to me. But I know you better than anyone, so...’

‘Yeah, I ‘spose.’

‘Okay, is that all? I have to clean the bar.’ Dean could pretty much hear Jo rolling her eyes.

‘Mm. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then?’

‘Yessir.’ Jo hung up.

Dean flopped backwards onto his bed and huffed out a sigh.

‘Big gay epiphany?’ Sam asked casually, walking past the door.

‘What?!’ Dean shot up. ‘I am not having a big gay epiphany.’

‘Uh huh.’ Sam smiled knowingly.

‘Just don’t tell Dad, okay?’

‘Definitely not.’ Sam shook his head firmly.

‘You’re okay with it though?’

‘Obviously. You’re my brother, Dean. I don’t care if you like it up the butt occasionally or not.’

‘SAM!’ Dean yelled. ‘Shut it!’

Sam rolled his eyes. ‘Dad’s not even home. Calm down.’

‘You little shit.’ Dean groaned. ‘Go do your homework or something.’

Sam held up the book he was reading. ‘I am. Do yours.’ He raised an eyebrow and walked off around the corner.

‘Shit.’ Dean groaned. He only hoped it wasn’t as obvious as he had been told. The last thing he wanted was his Dad finding out.

 

* * *

 

‘Dean, are you avoiding me?’ Castiel asked, sitting down carefully at the desk next to Dean at the back of their History class.

‘Avoiding? No. Not at _all_.’ Dean said, maybe a bit too quickly.

Castiel sighed. ‘I knew that would happen.’

‘What would?’

‘After Gabriel so unceremoniously just _happened_ to make the allusion...’ Castiel drifted off. ‘Well. It’s because you’re uncomfortable with me.’

‘That’s not it. Seriously.’ Dean insisted.

‘Really? Isn’t it?’ Castiel frowned. ‘You’ve been avoiding me for nearly three weeks, Dean. You’ve known all that time.’

‘No, it’s –’ Dean paused, eyeing the student walking past them before continuing. ‘Trust me. It’s not that.’

‘Dean–’

‘Cas, I swear to God. Can we talk about this later?’ Dean hissed furiously.

Cas narrowed his eyes. ‘You can take me home. We can talk then.’

Dean nodded. ‘Fine.’

 

* * *

 

Thankfully, History was their last class, so the all-important conversation didn’t have to wait that long.

‘This is your car?’ Cas asked, looking the Impala up and down. ‘Are you sure it’s safe to drive?’

‘Not the response I usually get.’ Dean said, raising an eyebrow.

‘Don’t diss the car, dude.’ Sam said. ‘Dean doesn’t like it when you diss his car.’

‘Oh. Apologies.’ Cas replied awkwardly.

‘Sam, backseat. Put in your iPod or something. Loud.’ Dean said. ‘Cas, front seat.’

‘Because we have to talk?’ Cas asked.

‘Well, yeah, and you need to give me directions.’ Dean smiled.

Sam rolled his eyes and got in the back. ‘When you two are finished, can we leave?’

‘Shut up, Sammy.’ Dean said, throwing his bag into the backseat and shutting his door a little rougher than usual.

‘So why have you been avoiding me?’ Cas asked, plugging his seat belt in.

Dean sighed. ‘I’m not good with this kinda stuff.’ He checked to see Sam’s headphones were in and pulled out of the parking lot. ‘It’s just... You’re gay.’

Cas made a noise that could only be described as growling. ‘So it is because of that.’

‘Yes. Well, no. Kinda.’

‘Dean, spit it out.’

‘I’m...’ Dean stopped. ‘Aw fuck. I...’

‘...Am also gay?’ Cas finished sounding somewhat hopeful.

‘Uh...’ Dean double checked Sam’s headphones. ‘Kinda.’

‘Bi?’

‘More or less.’ Dean ran his free hand through his hair. ‘Which is sorta the problem.’

‘Why is that a problem?’

‘Jesus, Cas. Do I have to spell it out for you?’

‘Please.’ Cas smiled benignly.

‘I think you’re fucking attractive and I’m bi and you’re gay and do you SEE where I might have problems with that?!’

‘Are you trying to say that you think you won’t be able to keep your hands off me?’ Cas grinned.

‘Fucking apparently!’ Dean cried.

Sam threw him a dirty look in the rear view mirror. ‘Dean, if you’re having another big, gay epiphany, could you do it a bit quieter?’

‘Another?’ Cas asked. ‘Oh, left here.’

‘Apparently. Sam thinks I’m so far in the closet I’m friends with Mr Tumnus, Peter and Edmund and we’re having a weird gay forest orgy or something.’

Cas tilted his head. ‘Did you just reference The Chronicles of Narnia.’

Dean rolled his eyes. ‘Not the point.’ He sighed.

‘Well, if it helps, Gabriel is in the same boat as you are, but manages to keep his hands... relatively to himself.’

‘No offence to your brother, but I’m not interested in him.’

‘I’m sure he would be hurt by that statement.’

‘And I couldn’t care less.’ Dean replied. ‘The thing is, only Sammy and best friend, Jo, know about this. I don’t care who else knows, but if word gets back to my Dad...’ Dean shivered in spite of him trying so hard not to. ‘I don’t want him to know.’

Cas sighed. ‘Dean, honestly. My father preaches against people like you and me and Gabriel. Me more so than either of you. How do you think he would react if he found out about me?’

Dean thought about that for a moment. ‘So pretty much we’re both kinda screwed if either of them found out.’

‘Basically.’ Cas agreed. ‘Don’t worry. Your secret is safe.’ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what happened. It's like my brain just went 'WHAT THE HELL!' and kind of word vomit and yeah. This is pretty much just filling in gaps, so we're all going to have to put up with it. For now.


	3. Pasta, Jo and the possibility of Walls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really enjoyed writing this chapter c: And good Lord, I ignored homework to publish two chapters in one day. -GASP!- Okay so yeah. Have fun with this one c:

Dean and Cas’ friendship didn’t really progress into anything after that conversation. It stayed as just that – a friendship. They became close, and soon they considered each other as one of their best friends. However, the friendship they had so carefully structured to become nothing more than, took a hit when Jo came into town.

 

* * *

 

Dean was at Cas’ house while Cas helped him study for a History test, when Dean’s phone rang.

‘Hello?’ Dean didn’t recognise the number.

‘Dean! Guess who?’

‘...Jo?’

‘Ding!’ Jo squealed. ‘So I’m at your house, right. Sam said you’re at your boyfriend’s house?’

Dean was silent. ‘I am actually going to kill that little shit.’

‘Dean, you’re on speaker.’ Sam’s voice drifted through the phone.

‘Fucking hell, Jo. Warning next time?’

‘Jo?’ Cas asked, finally eavesdropping on the conversation. ‘I didn’t know she was in town.’

‘Oh, is that him now? Hi boyfriend!’ Jo screeched through the phone.

‘Shut _up_.’ Dean hissed.

Cas just laughed. ‘You should go. History can wait.’ He sat up from his position on the floor and rubbed his elbow. ‘I think I have carpet burn on my elbow...’ He said absently.

‘Oh, did I interrupt something?’ Jo asked. ‘I’ll leave you two to make out a bit more.’

‘Jesus, Jo. I’m coming home now.’ Dean stood up. ‘Wait, how did you even get my address?’

‘...You gave it to me?’ She said, like it was the most obvious explanation. Which it was.

‘Put me down as an idiot.’

‘I have.’ Jo replied solemnly. ‘Now get your ass here right now, Dean Winchester.’

‘Yes, ma’am.’ Dean said, hanging up. ‘Well it looks like I have to go.’

‘Apparently.’ Cas smiled. ‘We can study tomorrow.’

‘Sure.’ Dean picked up a few of his books and dumped them somewhat moodily in his bag. ‘Why don’t you come over for dinner? You can meet Jo too...’

‘I’d like that.’ Cas stood up and brushed his hands down his shirt in a vain attempt to smooth it. ‘Should I bring my books or will we not need them?’

‘Nah. I don’t think we’ll be doing much studying.’

‘’Kay. I’ll grab my coat and some shoes and meet you at your car in a few?’

‘Yup. Hurry though. Jo can be kinda impatient.’

 

 

* * *

 

‘Dean Winchester.’ Jo grinned as the pair walked into the main living area of the Winchester house. ‘How are you?’ She pulled him into a tight hug.

‘Good.’ Dean smiled, returning the hug. ‘You?’

‘Fantastic.’ She released him. ‘And this must be Cas? Sam has been telling me about you.’

‘Oh? Nothing bad I hope.’ Cas said, shooting the younger Winchester a fleeting smile. ‘It’s good to meet you. Dean talks about you often.’

‘Really? Interesting.’ Jo narrowed her eyes.

‘So why are you here?’ Dean asked, flopping onto the couch, while Cas sat on the floor next to him.

‘Can’t a girl visit her best friend without her motives being questioned?’ Jo sighed and sat on Dean’s legs to make him move. ‘I was temporarily kicked out. For a week. Something about “for your own good”. I didn’t question it.’

Dean nodded. ‘Well, you can stay here.’

‘Yeah, I know, Dean. That’s why I’m here.’ Jo patted Dean’s knee. ‘You’re not the brightest crayon in the box, are you?’ she teased.

‘Shut up, Jo.’ Dean mumbled half-heartedly.

‘What’s for dinner?’ Sam asked suddenly. His stomach gave an audible grumble, emphasising his point.

‘Dunno. Go find something.’ Dean yawned.

‘I’ll help you, Sam.’ Cas said, standing. ‘Because I think me and you cooking something is less likely to burn the house down than if Dean helped.’

‘Excuse you,’ Dean said, punching Cas in the arm. ‘I can cook perfectly fine.’

‘Well I haven’t seen anything to contradict my statement, so be quiet.’ Cas replied, following Sam out of the room.

‘So that’s the boyfriend, huh?’ Jo whispered. ‘He’s pretty damn hot.’

Dean groaned. ‘Fuck, I know.’

‘Oh?’ Jo sounded surprised Dean had said it so easily. ‘Does he know that?’

‘He knows fucking _everything_.’ Dean covered his face with his hands and groaned again. ‘He knows I think he’s hot, and he knows I’m bi and it’s fucking _killing_ me.’

Jo was silent. ‘Why don’t you do something about it then?’

‘Like what? Go up to him and say “Oh, hey, Cas. You know how I said I found you attractive? Yeah, well, I’d really enjoy fucking your brains out, maybe against a wall.” Something tells me he might not go for that.’ Dean said sarcastically.

‘Well. That was vivid.’ Jo said, crinkling her nose. ‘Don’t do that again.’

‘You’re my best friend, so get over it.’ Dean snapped. ‘I’m sorry but... Fuck, Jo.’

 ‘I know.’ She nodded. ‘Don’t worry. We can have a girly chat later. Go tend to our stomachs, o mighty chef.’

Dean laughed and pushed himself off the couch. He wandered into the kitchen to find Sam chopping onions and various other vegetables – with tears streaming from his eyes – and to see Cas dumping a bunch of pasta into a pot of boiling water. ‘Well, you guys seem to have everything under control.’ He pointed to a cupboard above Cas’ head. ‘There should be a can of pasta sauce up there somewhere.’

Cas nodded. ‘I got it already. Sam just said that.’

‘Oh. Maybe you two don’t need my culinary genius then.’ Dean sat at the kitchen table with Jo and they waited for Sam and Cas to finish dinner.

 

* * *

 

Dean drove Cas home, and they mostly talked about trivial things – school, dinner, Jo.

‘I’m sorry I made you cook.’ Dean said awkwardly, pulling up to Cas’ house.

‘It’s okay. I like cooking.’ Cas smiled. ‘I’m glad Jo is in town. I think it’ll be good for you.’

‘Yeah. I’ve really missed her.’

‘I’m not surprised. You two are so alike.’

‘Mm. She’s more like a sister to me.’

‘I got that vibe, yeah.’

They sat in silence until Cas said ‘I should probably go.’

‘Probably.’ Dean agreed.

Cas unclicked his seatbelt, but hesitated for a moment before getting out of the Impala. ‘Two things.’ He said.

‘Mm?’

‘Firstly.’ Cas leant over to Dean and kissed him gently. He smiled. ‘Secondly, I hear it can be rather uncomfortable to be screwed roughly against a wall.’ He opened the door and climbed out. ‘Night, Dean.’

Dean sat in his car in shocked silence for a moment and watched Cas saunter up his driveway. _‘FUCK!’_


	4. Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually meant to upload this last night, but Chrome was being a dick and wouldn't open, and yeah nah I wasn't going to resort to Internet Explorer. With that in mind, I just remembered I finished this one. So yeah. Chrome is a dick.

_9:47pm – Message from: Cas_

_Dean, we need to talk about this._

_9:53pm – Message from: Cas_

_Dean._

_10:01pm – Message from: Cas_

_Seriously, Dean._

_10:09pm – Message from: Cas_

_Dean I know you’re getting these messages. Stop ignoring me._

_10:17pm – Message from: Cas_

_If I don’t get a reply from you in the next five minutes, I am coming to your house._

_10:19pm – Cas [SENT]_

_What if I don’t want you to?_

_10:22pm – Message from: Cas_

_I’ll come over anyway._

_10:26pm – Cas [SENT]_

_Asshole._

* * *

Dean walked outside and sat on the front lawn. The streetlights were dim, making the stars shine brighter than he could ever remember them being. He decided, seeing as Cas was coming, that it wouldn’t hurt to lie down on the grass and watch them for a while.

 

Dean watched the stars twinkle against the inky black sky for what seemed like only a moment or two before he was aware someone was lying next to him.

‘Hey.’ Cas said softly.

‘Hey.’ Dean replied, not shifting his gaze.

‘So stars, huh?’ Cas sounded like he was smiling.

‘Yup. Stars.’

Cas was silent. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘For what?’

‘What happened earlier.’

‘Oh.’ Dean turned to look at him. ‘You don’t have to apologise.’

Cas blinked. ‘Don’t I?’

‘No.’ Dean smiled. ‘You’re still my best friend.’

Cas sighed, almost inaudibly. ‘Friend.’

‘What?’ Dean asked. ‘Never mind. Busy on Saturday?’

‘No, why?’

‘Jo said she knows some guy having a party. Wanna come?’

‘Party?’ Cas scoffed. ‘I hate parties. All those teenagers gyrating against each other in a pathetic attempt to elicit some form of petty emotion for a few hours.’

‘Ouch. You basically just described the past five years of my life, dude.’ Dean said.

‘Do you want me to apologise?’ Cas snapped. ‘Not going to happen, Dean.’

‘Cas,’ Dean said calmly, rolling onto his shoulder to face him. ‘Talk to me.’

‘What?’

‘What’s wrong?’

Cas didn’t reply. ‘Nothing.’

‘No, tell me.’ Dean insisted. ‘I can help.’

‘Hah.’ Cas said, rolling his eyes. ‘You’re the issue.’

‘Me?’ Dean sounded taken aback. ‘What the hell did I do?’

‘Nothing. That’s the problem!’ Cas huffed and sat up. ‘You did nothing.’

Dean sat up slowly, processing Cas’ words. ‘Are you talking about what happened when I dropped you home?’

‘Obviously.’ Cas pouted.

‘Oh.’ Dean went back to his original position lying on the ground. ‘What am I supposed to do?’

‘Think about it, Dean. What might I _want_ you to do?’ Cas asked bitterly.

Dean paused. ‘You’re free Saturday night, yeah?’

‘Yes, and I’m not going to a party.’ Cas replied.

‘Well, there’s a 5% chance my Dad will be here, Sam is going to a friend’s house, and Jo is going to a party, so do you want to come round and watch Star Wars?’ Dean asked.

Cas stiffened. ‘Are you asking me on a date?’

‘Dunno. Am I?’

Cas smiled and went back to lying on the grass. ‘Well if you weren’t, it’s a date now. I accept.’

‘Good.’ Dean said happily. ‘Maybe I’ll cook _you_ dinner this time.’

Cas laughed. ‘I’d like that.’

 

* * *

 

Thursday went by too slowly, Friday was even worse. The seconds felt like minutes, the minutes like hours, and the hours like days. When Saturday finally came around, Dean started to get nervous. Sam had left already to go to his friend’s house, and Jo was the only one left in the house.

 

Cas was due to arrive in four hours, and Dean was already pacing, like Cas was late – _late, late for a very important date._ Dean felt like the White Rabbit to Cas’ Queen of Hearts. Jo was sitting on Dean’s bed (freshly cleaned and made, for once) watching him with an amused smile.

‘Dean, it’s going to be fine.’ She was saying.

‘What if it’s not?’ Dean said. ‘What do I do then?’

‘Call me and I’ll help you out.’

‘Help _me_ out?’ Dean rolled his eyes. ‘I am a ladies’ man.’

‘Yeah that’s great, Dean. You’re having a date with a guy. How many of _those_ have you dated?’

‘A few.’ Dean said defensively.

‘I said _date_ , Dean. Not screw.’ Jo smiled.

Dean frowned. ‘Okay. Maybe not then.’

‘Exactly. Remember, you want to _woo_ him.’

‘What the fuck is “woo”.’

‘Oh my God, Dean. Romance him. Charm him with your womanly wiles. That sorta thing.’

‘Oh. That thing. Yeah. I can do that.’ Dean said decisively. ‘Charm his pants off.’

‘Not while I’m here.’ Jo said. ‘Unless you are very quiet about it.’

Dean threw at sock at her. ‘I thought you were supportive of this?’

‘Yeah, I am. That doesn’t mean I want to listen to you two have sex.’

‘We’re not going to have sex, Jo.’ Dean replied, rolling his eyes.

She smirked. ‘Maybe not today.’

‘You’re really annoying.’

‘And you love it.’

 

* * *

 

Jo had already left by the time Cas arrived. Dean had done a touch of cleaning around the place, and had organised dinner for him and Cas – it was sitting happily in the fridge waiting to be cooked.

When there was a knock on the door, Dean checked his hair nervously in the reflection of his phone’s screen. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

‘Hey.’ Cas grinned. ‘I brought popcorn. And liquorice.’

‘Awesome, I love liquorice.’ All of Dean’s nerves floated away, and he remembered that this was Cas. He really liked Cas, and maybe it had just taken that small kiss in the car for him to realise it.

‘Oh, good.’ Cas’ smile faltered a bit.

‘Something wrong?’ Dean asked, ushering him inside the house.

‘No, I was just hoping you’d say you didn’t like it so I would have an excuse to eat it all myself.’ Cas explained, blushing slightly.

Dean laughed. ‘That’s okay then. Are you hungry at all?’

‘Not really.’ Cas’ stomach rumbled. ‘Yeah okay maybe I am.’

‘I’ll put dinner on then. You can just dump your stuff in my room or something.’

Cas nodded. ‘I’ll be right back.’ He darted up the stairs, giving Dean a fleeting smile as he did so.

Dean exhaled deeply. It was going to be a fun night.

 


	5. Ships

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Update: Chrome is still a dick. I'm sorry if there are any mistakes in this (I'll probably go through and edit them later) but I just remembered to post this because I'm too busy having a mental breakdown over the like 7 seconds of new Sherlock stuff. Forever crying because "Just the two of us against the rest of the world." Okay. Yes. I'll start a new chapter later on, and hopefully post tomorrow.

They were halfway through dinner when Cas finally broke the silence. ‘This is really good, Dean.’

‘Thanks,’ Dean smiled. ‘I told you I could cook.’

‘Yes you did. And you’re going to be cooking for me a lot more.’

‘Is that so?’ Dean asked, taking a bite from his burger. ‘You might have to pay me.’

‘I’d be willing to.’ Cas paused. ‘But maybe not with money.’

Dean almost choked. ‘What?’

‘Apologies. That was probably a bit forward of me.’

Dean coughed. ‘A bit.’

‘Sorry.’ Cas said again, though his smirk showed he wasn’t sorry in the _slightest_.

The rest of the meal passed without incident, though there was a significant amount of sexual tension floating through the air.

 

* * *

 

‘Shouldn’t we start with the first movie in the series?’ Cas asked.

Dean blinked. ‘Dude, this is the first one.’

‘That clearly says “Episode IV” on it, Dean.’

‘It’s the first one.’

‘Fourth.’

‘Cas, shut up. It’s the first. If you want to watch the prequels, we can do that later. But first, you are watching the Original Trilogy.’ Dean pressed play on the remote. ‘So be quiet.’

Cas seemed to enjoy the movie and when the credits started rolling at the end, he straight away ordered Dean to put on the next. When _The Empire Strikes Back_ had finished, Dean paused before putting on _Return of the Jedi_.

‘Hurry up, Dean. Put the movie on!’ Cas said impatiently.

‘Wait a minute.’ Dean replied. ‘This is my favourite one, okay? So... I don’t know. You have to like it.’

Cas rolled his eyes. ‘I promise to like it.’

‘Good.’ Dean said, pressing play for the movie.

When it, too, had finished, Cas sighed. ‘That was awesome.’

‘Yeah, and it’s now nearly 2am.’

‘And all the liquorice is gone.’ Cas said sadly.

‘It would appear so.’ Dean agreed.

Cas punched his arm. ‘Don’t mock me.’

‘I’m not!’

‘I just get really emotional about the lack of liquorice in my life.’ Cas said absentmindedly. ‘Did you know I had to fight my Dad to get those.’

‘What?’

‘Something about Devil’s Candy or something.’

‘Your Dad is mental.’

‘Yup.’

They sat in silence for a while, watching the end credits scroll up the screen. Eventually, they decided it would be a good idea to go to bed, and leave the couch for Jo to crash in, should she return.

‘So where am I sleeping?’ Cas asked, standing awkwardly at the end of Dean’s bed.

‘Just jump in here with me, dude.’ Dean yawned.

‘What?’

‘The bed is big enough, and I’m not going to feel you up in my sleep, if that’s what you’re worried about.’ Dean turned on his side and shut his eyes. ‘Or sleep in Sam’s bed if you want.’

‘Pass.’ Cas replied, climbing gingerly into Dean’s bed. He stayed lying on the edge of Dean’s bed, with a good two feet between them. ‘You know, my Dad would actually have a fit if he knew I was lying in your bed.’

‘Good for him. Maybe he could sleep in the space between us.’ Dean said pointedly. ‘I don’t bite, Cas.’

Cas sighed and moved closer to Dean. ‘I don’t understand you.’

‘What?’

‘One minute you’re talking to Jo about how much you would enjoy fucking my brain out against a wall, then you freak out when I kiss you, then you invite me on a _date_ and make me dinner then get uncomfortable when I talk about repaying without money and you know _exactly_ what I meant by that, and now you’re telling me to move closer.’ Cas huffed. ‘You’re giving me mixed signals and I am really confused, so can we just sort this?’

Dean was quiet for a while before replying. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘You should be.’

‘It’s just... I don’t know what’s going on with me.’ Dean was thankful Cas didn’t interrupt. ‘I mean, I am attracted to you, a _lot_ actually. But I’ve only been in relationships with girls and I don’t know how I feel about this, you know?’

‘Don’t know how you feel about this.’ Cas repeated. ‘About me.’

‘No, it’s not that. I am sure about _you_ , Cas.’

‘Then why does it freak you out about being in a relationship with me?’

‘Because...’ Dean stopped. ‘I don’t have a good reason. I’m just coming to terms with it.’

‘You’ve been with guys before though, yes?’

‘Yeah.’

‘So it’s not the idea of being with guys that makes you nervous, it’s being in a relationship with one.’

‘Yeah, I ‘spose.’ Dean agreed.

Cas _hmm_ ed thoughtfully. ‘How about I make you a deal.’

‘What kind of deal?’

‘We _technically_ be in a relationship, but don’t call it that.’

‘What do we call it?’

‘A ship.’ Cas decided.

‘A ship.’ Dean repeated incredulously.

‘Yeah. Not a friendship, not a relationship, just a ship.’ Cas smiled.

 ‘That’s the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard.’ Dean laughed. ‘I like it.’

‘One condition though.’ Cas said.

‘Mm?’

‘When you think you’ve come to terms with the fact that you’re dating me, we call it a relationship. I will be your boyfriend, you will be mine. Deal?’

‘Deal.’ Dean said. Doing something brave – for him – he slid his hand across the sheets until he bumped into Cas’ hand. Cas’ fingers twined with Dean’s and not soon after, they were sleeping.

 

* * *

 

Over the course of the night, Cas and Dean had ended up in the middle of Dean’s bed, with the blankets in a mess around them. Limbs were tangled, fingers with tangled, and there were mere inches between faces. They probably could have slept like that for a few more hours – and in normal circumstances, they would have, but unfortunately they were woken up by someone jumping onto Dean’s bed.

‘Morning, princesses.’ Jo sang. ‘You might want to get up.’

‘Jo?’ Dean mumbled. ‘Fuck off.’

‘Dean, your Dad just arrived home.’

‘Aw fuck.’ He groaned. ‘Cas,’ Dean said, poking him in the ribs. ‘Wake up and run somewhere.’

‘Huh?’ Cas said, poking his head up from under the covers. ‘What’s going on?’

‘My Dad just got here and if he walks in on us, we’re both dead.’

‘Crap. Can I roll under your bed or something?’

‘Go for it.’ Dean said.

Cas nodded and rolled swiftly out of Dean’s bed and straight under it. Dean kicked the blankets out over the edges of his bed to conceal Cas and went back to pretending to sleep.

‘What are you doing?’ Dean asked Jo, as she climbed into his bed.

‘It’s  obvious someone has been sleeping on this side. My bed is untouched, so I’m actually covering your asses.’ She explained, cuddling Dean.

‘Ah.’ He said. ‘Might as well make it look realistic.’ Dean swung an arm around Jo’s shoulders and rested his cheek on her head. ‘Look asleep. Cas, stay quiet.’

A few moments later, Dean’s door swung open. His Dad looked around the room, saw Dean and Jo in the bed together and cleared his throat before walking straight back out and shutting the door. They waited until they heard John’s truck start up again before moving.

‘Is that it?’ Came Cas’ voice form under the bed.

‘Yeah.’ Dean replied. ‘He pretty much just comes to get clean clothes then leaves.’

‘So can I come out now?’

‘Mm. Come back in here.’ Dean said, taking his arm off Jo.

Jo moved to the outer edge of the bed, and Cas wormed his way in between them. ‘This is cosy.’

‘Not for much longer.’ Jo yawned. ‘I’m having a shower. You’re welcome.’

‘Thanks, Jo.’ Dean smiled. ‘Always saving my ass.’

‘Something like that.’ Jo agreed. ‘Hope you kids had fun last night.’

‘Star Wars is really good.’ Cas said enthusiastically. ‘You should see them.’

‘I have.’ Jo replied. ‘Dean made me watch them too.’

‘Hey, don’t pretend you didn’t enjoy it.’ Dean said defensively.

‘Yeah, sure.’ She yawned and shut the door after herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ship. I'm sorry. I had to. The urge was too great.
> 
> Also, in case you were wondering - it is possible to feel someone up in your sleep. Sorry, Rosie. But I was asleep so...


	6. Dinner with the Winchesters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, Chrome is still alive and it's 11.27pm. This is good progress on the "Chrome is a dick" front. In other news, this chapter is shorter because I decided to split it. So, with that in mind, there should be another chapter up pretty soon. Yay! (And to the person who asked - I don't know if "ship" was meant to be funny. It sort of just slipped out :L)

The next few weeks were good between Cas and Dean. They were careful with their “ship” at each others’ houses, in case a parent should suddenly appear. School was the same - word might travel fast by mouth, but that had nothing on technological communication. They were happy though. Casual make out sessions in Dean’s car or in a back corner of the school field during free periods quickly became the highlight of their school day, and hanging around each others’ houses after school and during the weekends became a given thing. Somehow, they always managed to miss their parents at home. Maybe it was good timing. Maybe it was just luck. And that luck had to run out sooner or later.

 

* * *

 

Dean knew his Dad was going to catch him and Cas eventually. Mainly because they spent more time at his house seeing as his Dad was pretty much never there.

Dean thanked his lucky stars that all he and Cas were doing was reading comics and listening to music they could both agree on when John walked into his room.

‘Dean?’

‘Dad?’ Dean sat up on his bed from his position where he was lying on his back with his head over the edge. ‘What are you doing home?’

‘Just checking in.’ John answered. ‘Who’s this?

‘This... This is–’

‘Castiel Novak.’ Cas interrupted. ‘Pleasure to meet you, sir.’

‘Castiel.’ John repeated. ‘Good to meet you too.’ He smiled, shaking Cas’ hand. ‘Are you staying for dinner?’

‘Are _you_ staying for dinner, Dad?’ Dean muttered.

‘What was that, boy?’ John snapped.

‘Nothing, sir.’ Dean mumbled.

‘That’s what I thought.’ John turned to Cas again. ‘Dinner?’

‘I uh... Sure.’ Cas said awkwardly.

‘Good.’ John left the room, not bothering to shut the door again.

Cas got up and shut Dean’s door quietly. ‘So that’s your Dad, huh?’

‘Yup.’ Dean answered simply. ‘He’s been like that since my Mom died. But I was four when that happened, so for all I know, he might have always been like that.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Cas said, sitting beside Dean. ‘It must have been hard.’

‘Yeah.’ Dean said, voice hard. ‘It was.’

‘You don’t want to talk about it, do you.’

‘No.’

‘Okay.’

 

* * *

 

Sam cooked dinner. John didn’t say anything, except to make someone get him a beer. Cas sat between Dean and Sam, and across from John. He didn’t say anything. He had an idea of what John was like, and he didn’t know if he would be able to stop himself from saying anything if he was made to talk. After dinner, Dean drove Cas home.

‘He’ll be gone by morning.’ Dean said.

‘You’re probably happy about that.’ Cas noted.

‘You have no idea.’ Dean absentmindedly touched his hairline and sighed.

Cas took that as somewhat of a cue to leave, so he began opening his door to leave. ‘Night, Dean.’

‘Cas, wait.’ Dean put his arm across Cas’ chest to shut the door.

‘What is it?’

‘I uh...’ Dean moved back into his chair. ‘Can you promise me something?’

‘Yeah, anything.’

‘If anything ever...’ Dean paused. ‘If anything ever happens to me, promise you’ll protect Sam.’

Cas tilted his head. ‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, if for any kind of reason, I can’t take care of him, that you will. Just make sure that he doesn’t get hurt if I do.’

‘Are you expecting something to happen?’ Cas asked slowly.

‘I don’t know, Cas.’ Dean sighed. ‘I’m just covering all my bases, okay?’

‘Okay. Yeah. That’s fine.’ Cas said. ‘I’ll take care of him.’

‘Thanks, Cas.’ Dean smiled. He leaned over to kiss Cas on the cheek. ‘You can go now if you want. I just needed to get that sorted.’

‘I get it.’ Cas nodded. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’

As Cas got out of Dean’s car, he would’ve sworn he heard Dean mutter: ‘Yeah, maybe.’


	7. Kicking and Fighting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wouldn't be surprised if you hate me by the end of this chapter. It probably seems unfinished, and it is. I was just finished with it. It's midnight, and I want to sleep. So, with that in mind, here's another chapter.

_10:54pm – Cas [SENT]_

_Hey Cas, I’m gonna need you to take Sam to school tomorrow._

_10:56pm – Message from: Cas_

_Sure. Is everything okay?_

_11:02pm – Cas [SENT]_

_Enough._

_11:03pm – Message from: Cas_

_It happened didn’t it._

_11:06pm – Cas [SENT]_

_What did?_

_11:08pm – Message from: Cas_

_Your Dad._

_11:16pm – Cas [SENT]_

_Better me than Sam, Cas._

_11:18pm – Message from: Cas_

_Better no one than you, Dean._

_11:22pm – Cas [SENT]_

_Look, don’t make a big deal out of it, okay? It’s not like I’m defenceless._

_11:25pm – Message from: Cas_

_What do you mean?_

_11:29pm – Cas [SENT]_

_I mean, if he hits me, I hit back. Usually that only makes it worse, but I’m not going to let him get Sam._

_11:32pm – Message from: Cas_

_Does he do this whenever he’s home?_

_11:35pm – Cas [SENT]_

_Usually it’s where people can’t see._

_11:38pm – Message from: Cas_

_How bad is it?_

_11:43pm – Cas [SENT]_

_Bad enough for it to make people suspicious at school. He went for the face._

_11:49pm – Message from: Cas_

_Oh Dean... Does Sam know?_

_11:51pm – Cas [SENT]_

_Does Sam know? No. I don’t want him to._

_11:54pm – Message from: Cas_

_I won’t say anything. I’ll get Gabriel to come past your house  in the morning so we can pick up Sam. We’ll drop him home too._

_11:57pm – Cas [SENT]_

_Thank you._

* * *

When Sam came into Dean’s room the next morning, Dean told him that he felt like crap and was staying home. Dean told him that Cas was going to pick him up and drop him off, but Sam sat on Dean’s bed instead of going to get ready for school.

‘I heard what happened last night.’ Sam said quietly.

‘What are you talking about?’ Dean mumbled, face buried in the pillows.

‘I know what Dad does.’ Sam said in the same small voice. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘It’s not your fault we have a shitty Dad.’

‘Yeah, I know. But you shouldn’t be the one he takes it out on.’

‘I’d rather it was me than you, Sammy.’ Dean said, finally sitting up. ‘Go get ready for school.’

Dean was thankful his curtains were so thick, because it meant there was no light, and Sam couldn’t see anything. He had a feeling Sam got how bad it was when Dean didn’t stop mumbling, though his face wasn’t in a pillow.

 

* * *

 

When Cas came inside with Sam after school, he didn’t know what he would see. Sam had told him to prepare for the worst, and to not let Dean see how it affected him. Cas said he would have a bit of difficulty with that.

‘Dean, we’re here.’ Sam called up the stairs.

‘Just you two?’ Dean replied. For the first time since he had known Dean, Cas heard a hint of self consciousness in his voice.

‘Yeah, just us.’

Dean walked down the stairs slowly. ‘Hey.’

Cas literally took a step backwards. ‘Holy fuck.’

It seemed like Dean’s face was one enormous bruise. His left eye was puffy and split, there were cuts along his hairline, and his lip was split in three places. Dean’s right eye was surrounded by patches of bruises too, and they were also dotted across Dean’s bare arms, shoulders and the tops of his feet. Cas assumed that there were more on the top of his legs, because Dean was definitely having trouble walking.

‘Yeah.’ Dean agreed. ‘I get that a lot.’

Sam sniffed and ran upstairs.

‘I thought you said you didn’t want Sam to know?’ Cas asked.

‘I didn’t. He already knew.’

‘Oh.’

‘Mm.’ Dean sat slowly on the couch. ‘I hate my father.’

‘I would too if I was in your position.’

‘Pray you never are.’ Dean said. ‘I wouldn’t wish this upon even my worst enemy.’

‘Really?’

‘No one deserves to be hated by their own parents.’ Dean said quietly.

‘If Sam has you, I don’t think he needs them.’  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a freaking horrible person. I'm sorry that I chucked that in. But I saw a post on Tumblr about "If you don't think John Winchester abused his kids, you're wrong." and I'm sad to say I agree. I loathe John Winchester so much there isn't a word for it. 
> 
> And in the plot twist of the century, this chapter was mainly unedited, so if there are typos or whatever, I'll get back to them.


	8. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short and shitty chapter. Probably not worth waiting for. I just feel like I have to write something and post it, you know? Yeah. Hopefully the chapter I'm going to write tomorrow will make up for it. Hopefully. Ah well. Thank you to everyone giving this kudos, bookmarks and comments c: You are wonderful people and I love you.

Cas was sitting with Dean in the small bathroom shared by the Winchesters. He had bits and pieces of a first aid kit he found under the sink, and had a bowl of warm water beside him. Dean was sitting on the closed toilet lid, and Cas was kneeling in front of him, tending to Dean’s injuries.

‘For God’s sake, Dean. Stop moving.’ Cas said, rolling his eyes.

‘Have you ever had a cut on your eyelid? Yeah, it’s not pleasant.’ Dean replied.

‘I see that.’ Cas gently touched a sterile wipe to one of the cuts.

‘ _Fuck_.’ Dean hissed. ‘Are we done here?’

‘No. We are certainly not.’ Cas sighed. ‘If you don’t get this cleaned by me, I’m taking you to a Doctor. One who will ask questions. So you will stay there, nice and quiet, and we will all be happy.’

‘Hah.’ Dean rolled his eye. ‘Happy.’

‘You know what I mean.’ Cas said, picking up with wipe again. ‘You shouldn’t let your Dad do this, you know.’

‘Yeah, well, it’s not like I can stop him.’

‘If he does this again, you will tell me, and I will sort it.’

‘No offence, Cas, but what exactly are you going to do?’

‘More damage than you think.’ Cas said.

‘Oh that was nice and vague.’ Dean replied sarcastically. ‘Pray tell, o great one. What will you do?’

Cas paused. He looked up at Dean and smiled. ‘Dean, there’s a lot of things you still don’t know about me. One of those things is that I’m a second dan black belt in Karate.’

‘No.’

‘Yes.’

‘Are you shitting me?’

‘No, actually.’ Cas said, laughing at Dean’s expression.

‘So could you possibly... incapacitate my Dad?’

‘Possibly. I won’t.’ Cas looked thoughtful. ‘Although I could.’

‘But you won’t.’

‘No. I won’t. But if he ever does this to you again, I will break every bone below his elbow.’

 

* * *

 

It took a nearly a week for Dean’s eye and lip to heal to something he could pass off as just falling down stairs or tripping over. The day Dean decided to go back to school, Anna came past with Cas to downplay the still obvious injuries with the use of some make up. Dean would never say, but he was thankful she did. He thought Anna would know too, how after he said ‘Thank you’ in the most sarcastic tone he could muster, he gave her a genuinely thankful smile. She seemed to get it.

 

* * *

 

One day after school, Cas and Dean were lying around in Dean’s room, having just had a bit of a make out session, when Cas broke the silence.

‘So did your Dad just start hitting you?’

Cas though he might have crossed the line of inquiry, because Dean didn’t answer for a while, but eventually he got a reply.   
‘Yeah.’

‘And he still has no idea about me?’

‘Nope.’ Dean sighed. ‘If he did, I would have looked worse.’

‘I doubt that.’

‘No, I’m serious.’ Dean said bitterly. ‘He broke my arm once. Another time he fractured bones in my foot from standing on it so hard.’

Suddenly Cas wished he had never brought up the subject. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Why?’

‘That you had such a crappy childhood.’

Dean nodded as well as you can with your head resting on top of someone else’s. ‘Yeah. I’m sorry too.’


	9. Meet the Novaks

As the weather turned steadily colder, Dean began thinking what he could give Cas for Christmas. It was still a few weeks away, but Cas seemed to have decided what he was giving Dean. He insisted it wasn’t expensive (Dean had made a rule that they weren’t allowed to spend too much, mainly because he couldn’t really afford much, but also because he wasn’t really a fan of extravagant gifts) so Dean was cautiously happy.

 

A few weeks before Christmas, Sam and Dean put a tree up in their living room. It was nothing spectacular, but it was theirs and (as Cas put it) “made a statement”. The Winchester’s tree was a small pine tree that Dean borrowed on a permanent basis from the side of the road, had ornaments they made in their younger years at school decorating the branches, and a mostly broken angel sitting on top.

 

Cas’ tree was much more opulent. It was 7 feet high, and colour co-ordinated, with everything either red, gold, blue or silver. That tree had a store bought shining star on top that Dean thought probably cost more than his tree with everything on it.

 

* * *

 

Two days before Christmas Eve, Sam was invited to have dinner with a friend. Of course Dean said yes, he could go, because he thought Sam deserved a proper Christmas meal. As that left Dean alone, Cas asked him if he would like to have dinner at his house. Dean said yes to that too, even though it meant he would have to face Cas’ entire family at once.

 

Dean had already met Gabriel and Anna, seeing as they had lunch together with Cas most days – and now Cas and Dean were pretty much a package deal.

 

Cas didn’t speak about his other brothers much, so Dean had no idea what to expect from them, and of course – Dean had _not_ met Cas’ parents. The way he pictured the rest of Cas’ family was that they were incredibly strict, scholarly and religious people. He was mostly right. Mostly.

 

* * *

 

Dean knocked cautiously on Cas’ door that evening. Because there were eight possible options, he didn’t know what to expect. He definitely was not expecting a British guy to open the door.

‘Ah, you must be Dean!’ He was tall, blonde haired and Dean had no idea who he was.

‘Balthazar, don’t scare Dean!’ Cas cried from the top of the stairs. ‘Come inside, Dean. It’s freezing out.’

Dean stepped inside, wary of Balthazar. ‘You’re Balthazar.’

‘Yes?’ He narrowed his eyes. ‘Why, what has Cassie been saying about me?’

‘Uh... Not that you were British.’ Dean offered.

Cas laughed. ‘Yeah. I might have forgotten that.’

‘Gee, thanks Cas.’ Balthazar rolled his eyes and walked off towards the kitchen.

‘ _British?_ ’ Dean asked.

‘Mm.’ Cas smiled. ‘He was sent off to boarding school because he was being a dick.’

‘Oh. Makes sense.’ Dean nodded. ‘Do I get to meet the rest soon?’

‘You’ll be wanting to put that off.’ Cas replied, taking Dean’s coat and hanging it on a festively decorated stand. ‘They’re crazy.’

‘In a good way?’ Dean asked.

‘Definitely not.’

‘Lovely.’

‘Not really.’

 

* * *

 

Cas really did seem to be trying to put it off, because he led Dean straight up to his room and they didn’t go back downstairs until it was time for dinner. Even then, Cas seemed somewhat reluctant to introduce Dean to the rest of his family. Dean didn’t know why that was, and didn’t want to ask. Cas did say to Dean to avoid eye contact with his father as much as possible.

 

* * *

 

‘So, you’re the mysterious Dean.’ Who was this brother?

‘I guess so.’ Dean said in a tone that suggested it was more of a question.

‘Good to meet you.’ The brother shook his hand. ‘I am Raphael, and this is my brother Michael.’

The last of Castiel’s brothers nodded at Dean from where he was helping to set the table. ‘Dean.’

Cas swooped in from somewhere and pulled Dean from the rather awkward staring contest he had been having with Raphael. ‘You’re sitting between me and Anna.’ Cas murmured, pushing Dean into a chair. Cas flopped down next to him and put a hand on Dean’s knee as a gesture of comfort.

‘Castiel, what are you doing under the table?’ Michael asked suspiciously.

‘My knee itches.’ Cas responded innocently.

‘As long as that’s all you were doing.’ Raphael interrupted. He looked Dean up and down again, then shook his head and went to the kitchen to help bring in food.

‘Cas,’ Dean whispered. ‘I’d rather not be killed by your brothers. So as much as I appreciate it, I don’t think now is the best time.’

‘No time like the present.’ Cas muttered, watching the rest of his family walk in. He stood as his parents walked in.

‘Good evening.’ Cas’ mother smiled. ‘You must be Dean.’

‘I am. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs Novak.’ Dean said politely.

‘Naomi, please.’ She replied, sitting at her place between Raphael and Michael.

Cas’ father came into the room, carrying a massive roast of some sort. He set it down in the middle of the table and nodded in greeting around the room. He sat down, and quietly said grace before the rest of the table started taking bits and pieces of food.

Dinner was awkward to say the least. No one talked unless a question was directed at them – mainly along the lines of “Could you pass the carrots?”. At some point during dinner, Cas had moved slightly closer to Dean, and had his foot resting on Dean’s. He seemed to be tapping a beat out. Dean noticed he did that when he was nervous.

 

* * *

 

As dinner was finished, and then desert (apple pie, thank God) Cas and Dean went back upstairs. Cas sat cross legged on his bed and tugged Dean down beside him.

‘I don’t know when I’m going to see you next –’

‘Probably tomorrow.’ Dean smiled.

‘Yeah, probably. But I wanted to give you your Christmas present now.’

‘Oh?’ Dean rubbed the back of his neck. ‘I didn’t bring yours.’

‘That’s okay. I’ll probably see you tomorrow.’ Cas laughed. He put his hand under his bed and fumbled around for a few seconds before pulling up two small packages. ‘Merry Christmas, Dean.’

‘Thanks, Cas.’ Dean unwrapped them quickly, the first being a copy of Vonnegut’s _Slaughterhouse Five_ and the second being a mixtape with _For Dean_ written on it. ‘A mixtape?’ Dean asked.

‘Yeah. A few of my favourite songs. I thought, seeing as you spend so much time in your car listening to cassette tapes of classic rock that you could do with some new material.’ Cas explained.

‘Thank you. I love it.’ Dean smiled and leant over to hug Cas and decided to risk it by giving him a quick kiss.

As was just his luck, that was when the door to Cas’ room opened.

‘What the Hell?’

‘Gabriel, shut the fucking door!’ Cas hissed.

‘Are you insane?’ Gabriel asked. ‘Making out, in the middle of a house full of homophobic people? Really? Be glad _I_ walked in.’ He shook his head. ‘You’re idiots. Anyway, the Mothership was wondering if you needed a ride home and even though I told her you drove yourself, she insisted I ask. I already know you don’t need one, so I’m going to leave you two to... Whatever you were doing.’ He rolled his eyes and left.

‘That gave me a heart attack.’ Cas said, falling backwards onto his bed.

‘I thought it was one of your parents. I nearly crapped myself.’ Dean groaned. ‘I think I’m gonna go home now.’

‘What?’ Cas said. ‘Why?’

‘Because I don’t know if I can stop myself from kissing you again, and I don’t want to risk it _again_ and have your parents in here.’

‘Ah.’ Cas nodded. ‘Makes sense.’

Dean stood to leave. ‘So good night, I guess.’

‘Mm.’ Cas said, standing. ‘Text me when you get home.’

‘Of course.’ Dean pulled Cas to him in a tight hug, and felt Cas’ arms wind around his waist. ‘You know, seeing as I don’t have your present with me, I can give you something else.’

‘What might that be?’ Cas mumbled into Dean’s shoulder.

‘I think we should upgrade from being in a ship.’

Cas leant back to see Dean’s face. ‘Like into an actual relationship?’

‘Yeah... Well, we’ve been there for a while, haven’t we?’

‘I suppose, yeah.’ Cas paused thoughtfully. ‘I believe that makes us canon.'

Dean smiled and gave Cas another small kiss (even though he was certain someone else would walk in). ‘Goodnight, my amazing boyfriend.’ He whispered into Cas’ hair.

Cas sighed. ‘Goodnight, my wonderful boyfriend.’

Dean untangled himself from Cas’ arms and they left the room. As Cas waved goodbye to Dean from his doorstep while Dean drove away, he couldn’t help thinking how lucky he was.

That is, until his father pulled him sharply around by the shoulder and said ‘Anything you want to tell me?’

* * *

* * *

_You can listen to Cas' mix for Dean[here](http://8tracks.com/sherlockedee/for-dean)._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Another chapter! Woo! I got an 8tracks account a while ago and hadn't made anything, and this seemed like a good excuse to, so I hope you enjoy it c:


	10. Damstiel in Distress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damstiel. God, I'm such an idiot.
> 
> On another note, if any of you listened to the mix thingy, I hope you liked it? If you listened to the end of it, I apologise. Especially if you've read Twist and Shout. (If you haven't, you should. But you will cry.) But yeah.

_9:54pm – Cas [SENT]_

_Well, I’m at home._

_9:59pm – Cas [SENT]_

_You aren’t ignoring me are you?_

_10:14pm – Cas [SENT]_

_What the fuck did I do?!_

_10:32pm – Message from: Gabriel_

_I bet you never expected me to pop up on your screen. Stop texting Cas. You’re getting him into even deeper shit than he already is._

_10:34pm – Gabriel [SENT]_

_What?_

_10:37pm – Message from: Gabriel_

_Apparently I speak really loud. Raphael, the little shit, overheard me telling you two off for making out and went to tell our father._

_10:40pm – Gabriel [SENT]_

_Cas doesn’t have his phone anymore, does he?_

_10:43pm – Message from: Gabriel_

_No. And don’t you dare text his phone. If he gets hurt because of something you say, I will literally kick you so hard up the ass you’ll taste my boot for three weeks._

_10:45pm – Gabriel [SENT]_

_Wait, what? If Cas gets hurt?_

_10:48pm – Message from: Gabriel_

_What, you didn’t think you were the only one with Daddy issues?_

_10:53pm – Gabriel [SENT]_

_Where is he now?_

_10:57pm – Message from: Gabriel_

_Who, Cas? Being preached to about how homosexuality is a sin._

_11:00pm – Gabriel [SENT]_

_Why aren’t you helping him?_

_11:02pm – Message from: Gabriel_

_What am I supposed to do? I can’t just swoop in there and save his ass. Neither can you, so don’t even bother trying._

_11:06pm – Gabriel [SENT]_

_Dude, you’re not exactly straight either. How can you let your parents be assholes to Cas?_

_11:10pm – Message from: Gabriel_

_Don’t talk to me like that. He’s my little brother. You think I don’t care?_

_11:13pm – Gabriel [SENT]_

_I have literally been beaten up for my little brother and you won’t even stand up to take a few words?_

_11:16pm – Message from: Gabriel_

_I intend to. After Balth has said his piece._

_11:18pm – Gabriel [SENT]_

_Balthazar? What’s he doing?_

_11:21pm – Message from: Gabriel_

_Coming out as a flaming bisexual I think._

_11:23pm – Gabriel [SENT]_

_Didn’t see that coming. Do they know about Cas or do they just think he’s experimenting or something?_

_11:27pm – Message from: Gabriel_

_They did... Until about 30 seconds ago. I quote “Fuck you, Dad. I’m gay and I’m dating Dean. Fuck. You.”_

_11:30pm – Gabriel [SENT]_

_What._

_11:32pm – Message from: Gabriel_

_That’s what I thought. I don’t know what influence you’ve had on my brother, but I’m liking it. He has balls now. Ah well, I might as join the outing party._

_11:33pm – Message from: Cas_

_Can you come pick me up? I can’t stay here tonight._

_11:34pm – Cas [SENT]_

_Cas, thank god. I’m leaving now. Pack some stuff. I’ll see you in ten minutes._

* * *

 

Cas was inside Dean’s car before it had even fully stopped. ‘Go.’

Dean didn’t need to be told twice. They drove in silence back to Dean’s, and went straight up to Dean’s room. Cas threw his bag into what may or may not be a corner and threw himself into Dean’s waiting arms.

Dean stroked Cas’ hair and murmured nonsensically as they drifted backwards. Dean kicked off his shoes and pulled Cas beside him onto the bed. He never broke contact with Cas, holding him close the entire time. With one arm, he pulled the covers over the two of them, hoping it might make Cas feel safer, in this little cocoon with him.

Dean kissed his nose, and wiped away the tears that were flowing freely from Cas’ eyes. He held them there until Cas had calmed down and was breathing normally again.

‘You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want.’ Dean said. ‘Gabriel was sending me updates.’

‘Did he tell you what my father was saying?’ Cas asked, voice thick.

‘He said your Dad was giving you a speech on the sins of homosexuality.’ Dean rolled his eyes.

‘Gabe downplayed it a bit.’ Cas said in a small voice. He buried his face in Dean’s shirt. ‘He got yelled at too, but not as much as me.’

‘What did your Dad say to you?’

‘He said if I was serious that he was going to cut me off.’ Cas sniffed. ‘He also said he wished that he hadn’t adopted me and that I should’ve died or something.’

‘What?!’

‘I kinda zoned out after that.’

‘I’m gonna rip his lungs out.’ Dean growled.

‘No, don’t.’ Cas stroked Dean’s chest.

‘Give me one good reason why not?’

‘He didn’t mean it.’

Dean sighed and relaxed slightly. ‘I swear to God. If he says that again, you tell me, and I will actually kill him.’

‘Sadly, I believe you. Not tonight though.’ Cas curled into Dean’s side. ‘Let’s just sleep for now, ‘kay?’

‘Mmkay.’ Dean agreed, resting his cheek against Cas’ hair. ‘We can decide in the morning.’

‘Decide what?’

‘Whether or not I should only maim your Dad or if I should do a bit more damage.’

‘Maybe a bit of maiming would do him good.’ Cas yawned.

‘Probably.’

Cas giggled sleepily. ‘Thank you for saving me, Dean.’

‘It’s my job.’

‘Is it?’

‘Yeah.’ Dean murmured.  

‘Maybe I should get in trouble more often then.’ Cas pecked Dean on the jaw. ‘Goodnight.’

Dean smiled, kissing Cas’ hair. ‘G’night.’ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *~I have no idea what I'm doing~*


	11. Merry Christmas Eve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, with daylight savings, it's now 3:32am. And I'm finally updating. This chapter hasn't been read through, so apologies for any typos etc.
> 
> So uh, there are homophobic bits and violence in this chapter so yeah - prewarning.

When Dean and Cas woke up the next morning, they were a tangle of limbs and sheets. Dean had one arm wound protectively around Cas’ waist and the other was numb from being used as a pillow.

‘Dude, do you think we could move? I can’t feel my arm.’ Dean mumbled.

‘Mmkay.’ Cas shifted slightly to allow Dean room to pull his arm out. Dean made a move to stand up, but Cas grabbed his hand and prevented him from going too far. ‘Don’t you dare go anywhere.’ Cas opened one eye to stare at him.

Dean smiled. ‘Just stretching.’ He flopped his arm around and twisted, cracking his back, then his neck. ‘Ugh, that felt good.’ Dean sat back on the bed beside Cas. ‘What?’ He asked, seeing that Cas was grinning.

‘Oh, you know. Just remembering that I have an amazingly attractive boyfriend.’ Cas laughed.

‘Me too.’ Dean replied, placing a gentle kiss on Cas’ hair. ‘I’m gonna go see if the shower is free. Sam takes about an hour. He’s such a girl.’ Dean got up and walked down the hall, returning a few minutes later. ‘Okay. He’s not in there, so I’ll be back soon.’

‘Okay.’ Cas rolled over and buried his face in Dean’s sheets. They smelt faintly of smoke, apple, whiskey, oil and... Dean. Cas smiled happily and hummed to himself. He was struck suddenly with an idea, and so, rolled off the bed, detangled from the sheets, and set off to Dean’s bathroom.

 

* * *

 

Dean was singing. ‘ _There is a house in New Orleans..._ ’ He grabbed a bottle of shampoo, and raised his voice a few decibels. ‘ _They call the Rising Sun..._ ’ He squirted some onto his palm. ‘ _And it’s been the ruin of many a poor boy..._ ’ He slammed the bottle dramatically back onto its shelf. ‘ _And God, I know I’m one._ ’ Dean shoved his hands into his hair and emphatically began dancing.

Cas giggled and Dean spun around, almost falling over in the shower.

‘Jesus Christ, Cas!’ Dean grabbed a sponge in an attempt to cover himself. ‘Knock, dude!’

‘Why?’ Cas rolled his eyes.

‘I’m naked, in case you hadn’t realised.’

‘That’s why I’m here.’ Cas said softly.

Dean dropped the sponge. ‘What?’ The water pounded against his head, washing the shampoo out.

‘Can you just hold me for a while?’ Cas asked.

‘Yeah, of course. C’mere.’ Dean moved into a corner of the shower to give Cas room.

Cas stepped in, fully dressed. ‘Thank you.’

‘’S okay.’ Dean folded Cas into his arms. ‘Are you intending to take your clothes off?’

Cas shrugged. ‘Would you prefer that?’

‘I feel like we should be equally clothed.’

Cas nodded and peeled off his sopping clothes, dropping them onto the floor of the bathroom.

‘That was a fast change of mood, Cas.’ Dean murmured into Cas’ shoulder.

‘Yeah.’ Cas agreed. ‘I just wanted to stay with you.’

Dean smiled. ‘You could have just said. I would have invited you in.’

‘Really?’

Dean was quiet, and after a few moments, released a loud sigh. ‘Yeah, Cas. I would’ve. You’re my amazing, gorgeous boyfriend.’

Luckily, Cas had remembered a towel. He had, however, forgotten a change of clothes. It was only a few steps to Dean’s bedroom, so Cas decided to risk Sam walking out of his room to see him walk past dressed only with a towel round his waist, hand-in-hand with Dean, both with mussed up and wet hair. Sam they could have dealt with. John Winchester? Not so much.

‘Dean, you shouldn’t let your girlfriend walk around in so little clothes.’ John called out from behind them.

‘Fuck.’ Dean cursed. ‘Cas, get in my room. Right now.’ He dropped Cas’ hand and turned to face his father.

‘What the fuck is this, Dean?’ John yelled.

‘What the fuck is what?’ Dean yelled back.

‘What are you doing with that boy?’

‘His name is Cas! You’ve MET him!’

‘That Castiel kid? Freak.’

‘Don’t you fucking dare call Cas a freak.’ Dean said. His voice was low, and a few steps away in Dean’s bedroom, Cas could hear the anger dripping from Dean’s voice. He hurried to dress.

‘What, would you prefer I called him a _fag_?’ John grinned maliciously. ‘Yeah, I bet you would enjoy that.’ He balled his fists at his sides.

‘You can shut the fuck up and leave. You have no place here.’ Dean clenched his own fists.

‘Leave? This is my fucking house!’ John swung his arm towards Dean. ‘You and your gay ass can leave!’

Dean ducked from his father’s fist. ‘No. This is my house and your pit stop.’

‘Pit stop? I’m here because it’s Christmas tomorrow and thought it would be nice to see my boys.’

‘Yeah, nice. A Christmas beating. How festive.’ Dean said sarcastically.

‘It was nice, until I saw your fucking little boyfriend saunter through my house.’ John growled.

‘You can shut the fuck up about things you don’t understand.’ Dean snarled.

‘I can do what I like.’ John advanced on Dean and swung his fist again.

Dean wasn’t quite as fast this time, and pain bloomed across his temple. ‘No you fucking can’t, you piece of shit!’ He screamed.

‘You shut your gay mouth, Dean, or I’ll beat it off your face.’ John said softly and slapping Dean heavily across the face with an open palm.

‘Back the fuck away from Dean or I’ll kill you.’

John spun around, leaving a partially unconscious Dean to fall against the wall. ‘Ah, the gay boy returns, huh?’ He stalked towards Cas. ‘Whatcha gonna do, faggot? Kill me?’

‘If I have to.’ Cas adopted a defensive stance. ‘Get away from Dean. Now.’

John laughed, his eyes shining manically. ‘Pathetic.’

‘I’m asking you nicely.’ Cas’ voice was calm.

John continued laughing and lunged at Cas, swinging his fist again.

Cas blocked the fist, and grabbed John’s forearm, pulling it up behind his back. He shoved John into a wall, smacking his head against the wallpaper. Cas jerked his knee up and pushed John towards the stairs. ‘Now, get the fuck out of this house, or I will find you.’

John turned towards Cas and attempted to throw his fist, but Cas kicked the arm away then whacked the back of John’s knee, sending him sprawling down to the landing.

‘Get. OUT!’ Cas bellowed. He watched John try to regain composure as he walked the rest of the way out of the house and waited until he heard John’s car leave. He turned to Dean, to see Sam sitting beside him.

‘I think he’s concussed.’ Sam said quietly.

‘I’m not sure. Call an ambulance just in case.’ Cas knelt beside Dean and stroked the side of his face. ‘Dean, can you hear me?’

‘Yeah.’ Dean mumbled. ‘That was awesome.’

‘I told you,’ Cas smiled. ‘Second dan.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a horrible person omg why am I doing this?! (And sorry to the people who said they would break various bones in John's body if he did anything!)


	12. In Which Dean Discovers Cas' Eyes Are Similar To The Colour Blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG, GUYS. I got really unmotivated, but woohoo writer's block dissipated this afternoon, so here's today's bit of idk productivity?

When the ambulance arrived, the paramedics checked Dean for injuries and said he was probably fine, but would take him to the hospital anyway to make sure.

‘So he’s gonna be okay?’ Sam asked.

‘Yeah, he’ll be fine.’ One of the paramedics – a tall blonde woman – replied. ‘We need to know the cause of these injuries though.’

‘He walked into a wall. Tripped, I mean, and then kinda fell into it...’ Sam faded away when the woman gave him a reproachful look.

‘The truth? This is obviously a hand print, and sorry, but neither of you look like you could inflict that kind of damage.’ She flicked her eyes between Cas and Sam.

Cas looked to Dean, who gave him a small, almost imperceptible, shake of his head. Cas looked to Sam, but his eyes were focussed on the floor. So, Cas said nothing.

The woman placed a hand on Sam’s shoulder. ‘Look, I know you’re trying to protect someone, but we need to know what happened so we can treat him properly, okay?’

Sam sighed. ‘He was punched and stuff and I think he hit his head on the wall too.’

The paramedic nodded. ‘I think that’s all I’m going to get out of you. Anything to add?’ she asked, looking towards Cas.

He shook his head. ‘I don’t think it’s my place to say anything.’

‘That’s very noble of you.’ She sighed. ‘I’m not going to get anything further out of either of you, am I?’

‘Probably not.’ Cas admitted

‘Hmm. Do you have a parent or guardian we can call?’

‘I –’

‘Yeah.’ Sam interrupted. ‘His name is Bobby.’

‘Okay, good. Can you give us his contact details?’

Sam nodded.

‘Great.’ The woman smiled. ‘You can give me those while we ride to the hospital, okay?’ she turned to Cas. ‘We only have room for this young man, I’m afraid. Are you happy to stay here?’

Cas nodded. ‘Might as well. How long will it take for Dean to be back?’

‘Not too long. Maybe only an hour or two.’

‘Okay. I’ll... organise dinner or something.’

‘Right, then. We’ll be off.’ The woman smiled again at Cas before climbing into the back of the ambulance with Dean. ‘You coming, short stuff?’

‘Yeah, give me one second.’ Sam said before turning to Cas. ‘Thank you.’ He pulled Cas into a hug.

‘Uh... You’re welcome.’ Cas said, awkwardly patting Sam on the back. ‘Look after Dean for me.’

Sam rolled his eyes and let go of Cas. ‘Ha. I think he’ll be fine if he has you.’ He got into the ambulance. ‘Don’t burn my house down!’

 

* * *

 

So that’s how Cas ended up spending part of Christmas Eve. Alone, in the Winchester household, scrounging together bits and pieces for dinner.  Cas wondered how two boys could live off such a meagre selection of food, so he decided to brave the outdoors and walk ten minutes to the closest supermarket.

He got some basic things, like bread and milk, as well as some things for their dinner and various other items he thought Sam and Dean might like. Cas realised too soon that he hadn’t thought through very well how he was going to bring all the food home, so he asked if he could leave his purchases at the store for a short while so that he could run back to Dean’s house and borrow his car. He hoped Dean wouldn’t mind – he was almost overprotective of his Baby.

Cas literally sprinted back to the house, and seeing as he had used Dean’s keys to lock up, practically threw himself inside the Impala once he had unlocked it. He drove carefully back to the store and thanked the staff for holding his bags before loading them into the backseat.

He drove back home equally as carefully and brought all the food inside before deciding exactly what to make for dinner.

Cas put the food away in empty cupboards and the fridge where he thought it was appropriate and had just sat down on the couch, rather exhausted, when the door opened and Dean’s voice floated in.

‘Caaaaaaaaaas, we’re baaack.’ A rather uncharacteristic giggle followed. ‘Where are yooooooou?’

‘I’m in here, Dean.’ Cas called back.

Dean walked through into the room, supported by Sam. ‘Oh heeeeeey, Cas!’

Cas looked to Sam. ‘Is he okay?’

Sam shrugged. ‘I don’t think he’s ever okay.’ He deposited Dean onto the couch beside Cas. ‘They gave him something for pain, I think.’

‘Right.’ Cas looked sideways at Dean, who had pulled his legs up onto the couch and was curling himself into a ball on Cas’ legs. ‘How are you feeling, Dean?’

‘Me? Fiiiiiiiine.’ Dean giggled. ‘How are you feeling, Cas?’

‘Better than you, I think.’

Dean looked up at Cas. ‘You’re really pretty.’ Dean touched Cas’ cheek with the tip of his finger. ‘Your eyes are the colour of cornflowers and the night sky and the day sky and the ocean and the colour blue.’

Cas was spared having to comment on having his eyes compared to “the colour blue” by a knock on the door.

‘I’ll get it.’ Sam said, leaping from his chair and running to open the door. ‘Bobby!’

‘Hey, Sam.’ A gruff voice answered. ‘Are you gonna let me inside?’

‘Oh, yeah, sorry.’ Cas heard the door shut.

‘Where’s Dean?’

‘In there.’

A bearded man in a trucker cap appeared in the doorway, followed by Sam. ‘You must be Cas.’

‘Yes, sir.’ Cas nodded nervously. He looked down at Dean, who was still staring at Cas like he was the most amazing thing he had ever seen.

‘Hey, Bobby!’ Dean grinned, finally noticing their guest. ‘This is my boyfriend, Cas.’

Bobby smiled. ‘I know.’

‘Isn’t he pretty?’ Dean asked, looking back up at Cas.

‘Uh...’ Bobby looked uncomfortable. ‘Yeah, sure.’ He coughed.

Dean sighed happily. ‘I agree.’ He closed his eyes and wrapped his fingers around Cas’ sleeve.

Cas smiled. ‘Sorry he’s like this.’

‘Nah, it’s not the worst I’ve seen him.’ Bobby said, sitting down in the chair not occupied by Sam.

‘Me either.’

Bobby sighed. ‘Sam told me what ya did for him.’

‘I had to.’

‘No, you didn’t. Dean has always been able to take care of himself when it comes to John.’

‘He shouldn’t have to.’

‘I’m with ya on that.’ Bobby coughed again. ‘So I guess I’ll be off.’

‘You just got here!’ Sam protested.

‘I came to make sure you boys were okay. You have Cas. You’re good.’ Bobby smiled. ‘Merry Christmas.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully should have another chapter up by the end of the night (yay!) because I feel like I'm on a roll at the moment.
> 
> THEN AGAIN IT'S CURRENTLY 8.56PM ALREADY AND I JUST REMEMBERED THAT I HAVE TO BAKE A CAKE FOR MY LAST PERIOD GEOGRAPHY CLASS TOMORROW SO MAYBE NOT IDK WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
> 
> screw it i might just go buy a cake or something ughughugh


	13. Destiel; Interrupted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unedited and shittily written because I'm an asshole and I wanted to get another chapter done.

Dean spent the remainder of Christmas Eve lying on their couch, only letting Cas go when he made dinner. Dean reluctantly got up to eat some of the roast chicken and vegetables Cas had made, but once he started eating it, he practically inhaled it. He sat back on the couch with Cas, Sam and a bowl of ice cream to watch Christmas specials on TV, but once his eyelids started drooping, he was led upstairs by Cas.

Dean was made to brush his teeth and change into his pyjamas before Cas would let him sleep, and once he was allowed to get in bed, he fell asleep almost immediately.

 

* * *

 

Dean woke up the next morning forgetting only two things. One, it was Christmas day, and two, Cas was in his bed.

Dean was only half awake when he felt something ghost past his leg. ‘Fuck!’ he yelled, jumping from his bed.

‘Dean? What happened?’ Cas sat up in bed, his hair sticking up in little tufts.

‘Cas?’ Dean asked, confused.

‘Dean?’Cas asked, equally confused.

‘What are you doing in my bed?’

‘Huh?’

Dean sat back down. ‘Shit, don’t worry. I forgot you were here.’ He smiled. ‘And in my bed.’

Cas rolled his eyes. ‘Lie down. You’re still concussed.’

At the mention of concussion, Dean’s head started to ache. ‘Ow.’ He fell backwards onto the mattress. ‘Oh hey. Merry Christmas.’

Cas smiled. ‘Merry Christmas.’

‘Cas?’ Dean said in a small voice.

‘Yeah, Dean?’

‘I um.’ He cleared his throat and rolled onto his front so he could see Cas. ‘I... You... And... Yeah.’

Cas laughed. ‘Thanks.’

Dean groaned and hid his face in his pillow. ‘I love you.’

‘Sorry?’ Cas asked. ‘Didn’t _quite_ catch that.’

Dean sighed and moved his head so he wasn’t speaking directly into his pillow. ‘I love you.’

Cas was silent. ‘I love you too.’ He replied after a few moments. ‘More than you know.’

Dean brought his head up and looked to Cas’ face to see if he was joking. Instead of a mocking smile from Cas, like Dean was expecting, he was met with an intense gaze, so full of warmth, sincerity and... and _love_ , Dean lost his breath for a moment.

He launched himself up the bed to meet Cas’ mouth with his own and felt fingers card softly through his hair. Dean pulled Cas closer to himself as the fingers in his hair became firmly knotted.

Dean and Cas were interrupted by Cas’ phone going off noisily on Dean’s desk.

‘Don’t answer it.’ Dean said softly, kissing a trail down Cas’ neck.

‘I have to.’ Cas groaned. ‘Give me a few seconds, okay?’ He got off the bed and grabbed his phone. ‘Gabriel? What do you want?’ Cas asked angrily. He listened to Gabriel for a few minutes, and Dean watched as the colour slowly faded from his face. ‘Okay. I’ll be there as soon as I can.’ He hung up the phone.

‘What’s up?’ Dean asked.

‘I have to go home. My parents got into a car crash last night on their way back from Church.’ Cas replied, pulling on clothes.

‘Shouldn’t you go to the hospital then?’ Dean asked.

Cas shook his head. ‘My family are meeting at the house. Raphael and Michael... They went.’

‘Only them?’

‘They had to identify the bodies.’

‘Oh God.’ Dean said, leaping up. ‘I’ll drive you home. Are you okay?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Okay. We’ll leave right now. I’ll go wake Sam and meet you downstairs, okay?’

Cas nodded. ‘Okay.’

 

* * *

 

Dean drove Cas home as fast as he could without risking their lives. There was a fresh coat of snow on the ground and Dean did _not_ want to crash.

They arrived at Cas’ house twenty minutes after Cas had been called by Gabriel. ‘I’ll call you later, okay, Dean?’

‘Yeah, yeah. Whenever you can, Cas.’ Dean leant across to pull Cas into a hug. He kissed him briefly before letting him go. ‘It’s going to be okay.’

Cas nodded. ‘See you later.’

‘I love you, Cas.’ Dean said, as Cas climbed out of the car.

‘Love you too.’ Cas said, shutting the door and walking up into the house.

 

That was the last time Dean saw Cas for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow that was horrible. *~Cliffhanger~* Sorry :c (Don't worry. You don't need to wait a month for the next chapter. Promise.) Thank you all for the kudos and comments y'all are leaving!


	14. The Mystery of Cas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I've pretty much given up editing because I'm lazy. This chapter and the next are going to be really short (because that's they way I want it so shhhh) so yeah, there's a warning for you.

Dean waited the whole day for Cas to call him. He waited the next day. And the next. And the next. Cas didn’t call. Dean told himself that Cas was probably just too busy with relatives and funerals, so he wasn’t too bothered. He knew Cas would call when he could.

 

A week went by and Cas hadn’t called.

 

Then another week.

 

And another.

 

Cas still hadn’t called.

 

* * *

 

At first Dean vehemently denied that Cas had just up and left.

 

One day, after nearly six weeks not hearing from Cas, Dean went to his house. There was an unfamiliar car up the driveway, but Dean figured it probably belonged to someone visiting. He went up to the door and knocked.

After a few moments, the door opened to reveal a grey haired man. ‘May I help you?’ he asked.

‘Hi, I was wondering if Cas is here?’ Dean asked nervously. As a look of confusion flitted across the man’s face, Dean already knew the answer.

‘I’m sorry, there’s no one here by that name.’ The man said, shaking his head. ‘My wife and I moved in just last week after the family previously here had to leave.’

‘Do you have any idea where they might have gone?’

‘I’m sorry, they didn’t leave a forwarding address.’

‘Okay. Thanks anyway. Sorry for wasting your time.’ Dean said, smiling half-heartedly and turning to leave.

‘Wait,’ the man called. ‘Are you Dean Winchester?’

Dean turned back around. ‘Yeah, I am.’

The man signalled for him to wait and ducked inside briefly. He came back out and handed an envelope to Dean. ‘Another young man, ‘Cas’ he called himself, gave this to me the day he and his family left. He said that if a boy named Dean Winchester came to find him here, then I was to give him this and a message.’

‘What was the message?’ Dean asked quietly, taking the envelope.

‘All he said was “Tell Dean I’m sorry.”’ The man shrugged. ‘I didn’t think you would actually turn up. My wife told me to keep the letter. Something about “young love”.’

Dean smiled. ‘Thank you.’

The man nodded, went back inside, and shut the door. 


	15. The Letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I said it was going to be a tiny chapter. Shhhhhhhhhh.

_Dear Dean,_

_I have to write this quickly. You need an explanation._

_First, my parents are not dead. I am unsure whether I am pleased about that or not. They have decided to move the entire family. I have no idea where, so I cannot tell you where to find me. They think that moving away from you will “cure the gay” so it’s likely I will not be back soon. We both know I’m about as straight as a wisp of smoke._

_To tell you the truth, I can’t decide between two things._

_Whether we should have... I don’t know, gotten together sooner? Or if we should just not have done anything at all. Because now we’re both going to have to live with the fact that we’ve lost something that we might not ever find again._

_Part of me wishes I had never met you, and the other part is clinging desperately to everything you gave me._

_I’m running out of time, so let me just say:_

_These past few months with you have been the best of my life, and I thank you for that._

_You gave me happiness beyond which I never thought I could find, and a love deeper than anything I ever hope to find again._

_Which brings me to something else._

_I loved you long before you said anything. I just knew you would freak out and I didn’t want to risk you leaving. God, that sounds so selfish, doesn’t it? It’s true, though._

_So, good luck, Dean. I hope you find happiness and peace in knowing I will never forget you, and will think of you every day, hour and minute until the day I die._

_In words that mean more than anything I could ever write,_

_And I will love you, baby – Always_

_And I'll be there forever and a day – Always_

_I'll be there ‘til the stars don't shine_

_‘Til the heavens burst and_

_The words don't rhyme_

_And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind_

_And I'll love you - Always_

_With all my love,_

_Cas_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is 'Always' by Bon Jovi for anyone interested. Another song that's quite good (vaguely off topic here) is 'The Letter' by Midnight Youth, from which the title of this chapter is taken. (Kinda. It just fits.) But yay for New Zealand music! (*~Go listen to it~*) Okay, next chapter should be up in a few hours! c:
> 
> omg i'm just reading through this before posting and it is literally one of the cheesiest things i have ever written which is saying something forgiVE ME


	16. As Time Goes By

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken so long (ugh). It's not very long, and it's basically just a filling-in chapter that doesn't really have much in it but yeah. Bleh bleh.

It took Dean longer than he would like to admit to get over Cas.

Sam asked Dean ‘Where’s Cas? Why hasn’t he called?’ one too many times, and eventually got the message to not bring it up after Dean had slammed his glass on the table and yelled ‘Dammit, Sammy!’ before getting up and staying in his room the rest of the night. Sam could’ve sworn he heard Dean sobbing as he went past Dean’s room to brush his teeth. Sam made an effort not to bring it up and acted as if Cas had never existed and that Dean’s fits of emotion were completely normal.  
Dean’s grades had begun to suffer, however, and Sam had to force him to do work in order to pass his final year of high school. They were the lowest grades Dean had ever gotten – which was saying something – but he passed.

 

* * *

 

Over summer, Dean worked for Bobby as a mechanic, and was pleasantly surprised when he was accepted into college to study mechanical engineering. He knew he would have to work his ass off to stay in college, but he also knew it was something he had to do.

  
At one point, Dean was going to college, working for Bobby, as a bartender at the Roadhouse with Jo, and practically raising Sam. Still.   
It was tough, and John had seemingly abandoned them on a more permanent basis than before, but Sam and Dean were happy with things the way they were.  
Dean finished his first year of college with admirable marks, and spent Christmas with Bobby, Jo, and Jo’s mother, Ellen. It was nice, but Dean was moody, and it was an unspoken agreement that asking why would be a very bad idea.

 

* * *

 

By the time Dean had finished college, he barely remembered the time that his first love leaving him without a trace had ever been a big deal. The tape Cas had made him had integrated itself into Dean’s box of cassettes, and every now and then, Dean would play it. The copy of Vonnegut that Cas had given him was well worn from being read so many times, and Dean felt slightly bitter every time he opened it, as he remembered how he had come to get it.

 

* * *

 

Sam was in his final year of high school, and Dean was now head mechanic at Bobby’s. Sam had his heart set on Stanford for college, and Dean knew that meant he would end up alone in a huge house.

  
He started looking for a small apartment, and as soon as he found one he liked, his name was on the lease, and Dean and Sam moved in. Sam was only in the apartment with Dean for a few months before he, too, finished high school and left for California on a full scholarship at Stanford. Dean was immensely proud of Sam, but he knew that it meant he would be alone, and couldn’t help resenting Sam for that, just a little.

 


	17. An Unexpected Customer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Golly two chapters in one day! I'm on FIYAH. I'm joking, I'm not. If you, however, are on fire, seek help and possibly medical attention as swiftly as you are able.

Sam had been gone for a few months. He called Dean whenever he could, but even that was only a few times a month. He was going well in all his classes and as he told Dean about a girl he had met, Jessica, Dean would have sworn that Sam’s voice took on a new tone. The kind of tone he used to have talking about that guy he dated in high school. What was his name? Cam? Cap? Cal? Cat?

No, Cas.

Cas was his name.

 

* * *

 

‘Heya, Dean?’ Bobby’s voice floated over the top of the car Dean was currently under the chassis of. ‘Are you down there?’

‘Yeah, Bobby.’ Dean wheeled out from under the car and grabbed a dirty, oil stained rag to wipe his hands on. ‘What’s up?’

‘There’s someone here asking for you to check out their car.’ Bobby said. ‘Something about weird noises.’

Dean nodded. ‘I’ll be out in a few.’ he replied, watching Bobby as he walked back to the office. Dean finished wiping his hands, mumbling to himself about people getting their cars checked out for each and every single noise it made.

He walked into the office to see Bobby engaged in conversation with a short, blonde guy wearing a neat suit who was gesticulating wildly. They turned around upon hearing Dean enter the room.

‘Deano!’ cried the blonde man. ‘Remember me?’

Dean raised an eyebrow. ‘Am I supposed to?’

‘Ouch, I’m hurt.’ The man grinned. ‘Gabriel Novak.’

Dean stopped walking. ‘Novak?’

‘Yeah, you were screwing my brother for a while during high school.’ Gabriel’s grin faded. ‘Castiel.’

Dean let out the breath he wasn’t aware he was holding. ‘Cas.’

‘Oh good. You do remember.’

Dean narrowed his eyes. ‘What do you want?’

‘I don’t want anything. I was passing through and my car–’

‘Started making weird noises.’ Dean finished. ‘Which one is it? I’ll take a look.’

Gabriel pointed at a large Range Rover parked haphazardly between two car parks. ‘That’s my baby.’

Dean smirked. ‘Overcompensating for something?’

Gabriel sighed. ‘Just look at my damn car, Winchester.’

 

* * *

 

Gabriel peered over Dean’s shoulder as best he could while Dean inspected various parts of the engine. ‘So how have you been?’

‘Fine.’ Dean replied. ‘You?’

‘Great.’ Gabriel coughed awkwardly. ‘I assume Cas is too.’

‘You assume?’ Dean asked.

‘Yeah. We haven’t talked in a few months.’

‘Oh?’

‘He went overseas to promote his new book.’

‘His book?’ Dean looked up. ‘Cas is a writer now?’

‘Yeah, and a damn good one.’ Gabriel said, a hint of pride creeping into his voice. ‘He’s done really well for himself. Looks like you have too.’

‘I’m just doing what I’m good at.’ Dean replied.

‘So is Cas.’

They were silent for a few minutes while Dean continued looking for the source of the noise. ‘So what actually happened when you all just left? Where did you go?’ Dean asked.

Gabriel sighed. ‘Basically we were ambushed. Our parents packed up our entire life in one night, told one of our father’s friends at the church there was a family emergency that required we leave immediately, and we moved to the middle of nowhere. We were homeschooled, had no access to internet or phones, and we were even banned from writing letters. We did have electricity and indoor plumbing though, so we weren’t completely back in the middle ages.’

‘Jesus.’ Dean said.

‘Nope, he had nothing to do with it.’ Gabriel paused. ‘Cas was under lock and key pretty much. I don’t think anyone was more surprised than our parents when he mysteriously left in the middle of the night. We didn’t hear from him for a few months and thought he was dead. Turns out he was staying with Balthazar and had gotten into college on a scholarship, seeing as our parents had cut him off.’

‘I remember they threatened to do that. So he graduated, I’m guessing?’

‘Yeah, top of his class.’ Gabriel smiled.

Dean laughed. ‘That is so Cas.’

‘Mm. He hasn’t forgiven our parents though. He won’t even talk to them.’

‘Huh.’ Dean emerged from inside Gabriel’s car. ‘I can’t find anything wrong with your car.’

‘I’m not surprised.’ Gabriel replied, leaning against it. ‘There wasn’t actually a weird noise coming from it.’

Dean shut the hood. ‘So why did you come here?’

‘I just wanted to tell you something.’

‘Then hurry up, Gabriel.’

‘You remember I told you how Cas is touring with his new book?’

‘Yeah, what about it?’ Dean asked impatiently.

‘It’s about you.’

Dean looked taken aback. ‘Me?’

‘Well, not you, specifically. You and Cas.’ He paused. ‘It’s fictional though, but he told me that you acted as his muse for the book. Or rather, you as he remembers you.’

‘Okay... What am I supposed to think about that?’ Dean asked slowly.

‘I’m just warning you.’ Gabriel shrugged. ‘The media have their ways of finding these things out.’

‘What makes you think there’ll be media running around after me?’

‘Have you been living under a rock? The one and only ex of Castiel Novak will land them the biggest payday of their lives.’

Dean stared at Gabriel. ‘One and only?’

‘Is that all you got from that?!’ Gabriel threw his hands up in exasperation. ‘Yes, one and only.’

Dean smiled in spite of himself. ‘Well.’

‘Indeed.’ Gabriel replied. ‘I’m off now. Just thought you should know.’

‘Yeah. Okay. Thanks.’

‘No problem.’ Gabriel climbed inside his car and rolled down his window. ‘Good luck.’ He called, driving away.

Dean watched as Gabriel turned out of the gates and onto the road. ‘Huh.’ He walked back into the office to find Bobby staring at him.

‘What was that about?’ Bobby asked.

‘Nothing.’ Dean replied. ‘Just don’t be surprised if more people come here looking for me.’

‘Why?’

‘Uh... Cas.’

‘Cas?’

‘Cas.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING.


	18. Close Encounter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it's like I've just completely given up on editing before posting! (Hint, I have.) So here you go c:
> 
> ALSO OMG I SWEAR TO GOD I'M NOT TRYING TO MAKE ANYONE CRY.
> 
> though i will be honest it seems like everything i write ends up depressing at some point or another whether i plan it that way or not (i don't plan my writing like ever so it's probably something subconscious i don't know)

From the way Gabriel had talked to Dean, he was half-expecting random people with cameras to begin popping out from underneath every car he started working on. Dean was hoping that Cas might come to see him in person, but nothing happened.

 

_7:42pm – Sam [SENT]_

_Did you know Cas was an author?_

_7:48pm – Message from: Sam_

_Is he published under Castiel Novak?_

_7:49pm – Sam [SENT]_

_Yeah?_

_7:55pm – Message from: Sam_

_Then yeah, I did._

_7:56pm – Sam [SENT]_

_Am I the last person on the planet to find out?_

_8:00pm – Message from: Sam_

_It sounds like it. Why are you suddenly telling me this?_

_8:02pm – Sam [SENT]_

_Remember his brother Gabriel? He came past the shop a few weeks ago._

_8:05pm – Message from: Sam_

_Oh yeah? What did he say?_

_8:07pm – Sam [SENT]_

_Apparently I “acted as his muse” for his latest book._

_8:10pm – Message from: Sam_

_That’s great!_

_8:12pm – Sam [SENT]_

_Is it? The book is about “me and Cas”. Us._

_8:15pm – Message from: Sam_

_Is that a good thing? Are you hoping he’ll come back?_

_8:18pm – Sam [SENT]_

_I doubt he remembers me._

_8:21pm – Message from: Sam_

_Wow you are an idiot. He wrote a book about you, Dean._

_8:24pm – Sam [SENT]_

_...True. I don’t want to get my hopes up. Who’s to say it’ll be like it was? We were 17, dude._

_8:27pm – Message from: Sam_

_Don’t dismiss teenage love so easily, Dean._

_8:30pm – Sam [SENT]_

_Yeah, whatever. Go study._

_8:31pm – Message from: Sam_

_I was. Night, Dean._

_8:32pm – Sam [SENT]_

_Night Sammy._

* * *

Dean was suspicious at first. Very suspicious. A non assuming little box wrapped in brown paper and tied with string left in his mailbox. No name, but he knew it was for him after he untied the string and removed the paper to unveil a cassette tape. Coffee stained paper with the words “Just play it” written on it. No, typed. It was too neat to be handwriting.

Dean eyed it warily as he put the tape in the player of his car on his way to work that morning. It took a few seconds for the tape to begin playing, but he was soon greeted by a song he knew. By the time the chorus had started, Dean was belting out the lyrics unashamedly.

 

_Don’t you forget about me,_

_Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t,_

_Don’t you forget about me._

Four songs later, Dean had arrived at work and was pulling into Bobby’s singing along with _Eye of the Tiger_. Whoever made that mix knew him pretty well.

 

* * *

 

Dean was under the hood of one of Bobby’s many cars of unidentifiable make, still humming Survivor, when a high, female voice startled him.

‘Dean?’

‘Jesus,’ he said, rubbing the back of his head where he had whacked it on the underside of the hood. ‘Can I help you?’ he asked, looking the woman up and down. She was short, blonde and looked uncomfortable in the jeans and t-shirt she was wearing, like she wasn’t used to it.

‘Are you Dean Winchester?’ She asked, blue eyes twinkling.

‘I am. Can I help you?’ he repeated.

‘You can, yes.’ She smiled. ‘I was wondering if you’d be at all interested in doing an interview about your past relationship with Castiel Novak.’

‘I’m sorry?’ Dean instinctively took a step back. _When faced with danger, step away from it._

‘Castiel Novak.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘Can I talk to you about him?’

‘I don’t know who that is.’ Dean said slowly.

‘Is there another Dean Winchester living in your apartment?’ She asked, pen scribbling on a notepad she pulled out from somewhere.

‘What? No.’

‘Exactly.’ She nodded. ‘Now, Castiel Novak. When did you two first meet?’

‘Look, I don’t know who you are, and I don’t know what you want with me, but I would like you to leave if you have no other reason to be here than to harass me.’ Dean slammed the hood of the car, flakes of rust falling to the ground.

‘Ooh, feisty.’ The woman said happily. ‘I’m writing that down.’

‘No, you’re leaving.’ Dean said, voice cold. ‘You have no business here.’

‘I do, you just won’t let me complete it.’

‘I am _not_ doing an interview for you. Please, leave.’ Dean sighed exasperatedly.

‘Dean?’ Jo asked, appearing from inside the office. ‘Problem?’

‘No, no.’ The blonde woman smiled. ‘I was just leaving.’

‘Good.’ Jo smiled back. ‘Because if you come back, I will personally shove my boot up your butt and get you trespassed. Understood?’

The woman’s smiled disappeared. ‘Fine. If that’s how you want to play it.’ She turned on her heel and stalked off towards the gates.

‘What was that about?’ Jo asked once she was satisfied the woman had left.

‘Uh...’ Dean sat on the car’s hood. ‘You know how I dated that guy Cas in high school?’

‘Yeah...’ Jo said warily. ‘What about him?’

‘Apparently he’s this big shot author and wrote a book about “us”. Now according to his brother, Gabriel, who stopped past a few weeks ago, the media will be after me because I’m the “one and only” love of Castiel Novak.’ Dean shook his head. ‘I thought he was joking.’

‘Well, shit.’ Jo laughed once. ‘Castiel Novak is your Cas.’

‘Huh?’

‘His books are really good.’ Jo said thoughtfully. ‘Wait, does that make you Daniel?’

‘What? Daniel?’

‘Yeah, his latest book. Do you want to borrow it?’ Jo asked. ‘I just finished it about twenty minutes ago.’

‘Um. Yeah, I suppose?’ Dean replied.

‘Great.’ Jo smiled. ‘I think you’ll really enjoy it.’

Dean groaned. ‘Awesome.’

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

_You can listen to the "Just Play It" mix[here](http://8tracks.com/sherlockedee/just-play-it)._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's that. I'm in exams at the moment (2 more on Friday and I'm done with high school forEVER) so I have time on my hands though I really should be studying... Nah. This is more fun. (Besides Classics and Geography are eeeeeeeasy.) Also, shameless self promotion update: current Tumblr URL is moriartystea because Elementary and I really love hER. So yeah. That's that. SEE Y'ALL LATER!
> 
> Also I did not put the whole "Daniel" thing as some sort of allusion to myself (my name is Danielle) I was just thinking of names that sounded kind of similar to Dean.


	19. Lost and Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE RETURNED!
> 
> Sorry for the *cough* rather long absence. Despite the fact that I've actually been on break since like, the beginning of December, I've actually done very little. Well, to do with this, that is. (I've actually written over 10k words for my book LOL.) Uh but yeah.
> 
> I hope this chapter makes up for the amount of time you've had to wait for it! (spoiler: it won't)
> 
> But here it is!

‘Seriously?’ Dean muttered, looking down at the book Jo handed him. The cover was white, with black smoke curling diagonally across the front. The title, “ _Lost and Found_ ”, was written clearly in green text at the top, and an accompanying “ _A Novel by Castiel Novak_ ” was at the bottom.

‘Don’t hate on the cover, Dean.’ Jo said, swatting him across the shoulder. ‘It’s a really good book.’

‘Uh huh.’ Dean turned the book over to read the blurb on the back:

 

_Charlie thought his life was pretty good._

_He had loving family and friends, good grades in school, and overall, he was happy. He just didn’t understand why it felt like something was missing from his life._

_Enter Daniel, the sandy haired boy with eyes greener than pine trees and clearer than spring water, the smell of whiskey and smoke as a constant companion, and an 80’s rock tune stuck in his head._

_The day Daniel arrived, moody and yawning, at school was the day that Charlie’s perception of everything he thought he knew changed._

_Unceremoniously outed by his brother, Charlie and Daniel are faced with a decision: Do they ignore their feelings towards each other? Or do they forge ahead in what can only be called love and risk their unsupportive families discovering them?_

‘Jesus,’ Dean said, looking up at Jo. ‘He didn’t downplay anything, did he?’

Jo laughed. ‘No, he didn’t.’ Her smile faded, and her expression turned serious. ‘But if your relationship was anything like what he wrote it as, then I am so sorry for what happened between you guys. I know you hate talking about it, but honestly... I cried.’

Dean sighed. ‘Yeah,’ he gripped the book tightly. ‘So did I.’

 

* * *

 

The minute that Dean got home, he cracked the book open and flopped into his armchair, feet on the coffee table in front of him. He sped through the first hundred or so pages before he realised the ache of hunger was floating around his stomach. He marked his page with a pen for a bookmark and got up to make dinner.

He read the book some more as he ate and decided he agreed with Jo and Gabriel – Cas had a talent for writing.

Dean showered quickly before picking the book up again and reading until he was in the final thirty pages with tear filled eyes. He finished the book at 4:37am, tears now flowing down his cheeks.

‘Damn it, Cas.’ He muttered, wiping the tears hastily away, lest someone see them.

He flipped through the last couple of pages in the book, assuming they were blank – of course not.

One page was an acknowledgements, mostly thanking various editors, publishers and friends who had put up with his “fears, insanity, and midnight calls”.

The last page in the book, Dean discovered, was a letter from Cas to, what seemed to be, the general public.

 

_Dearest readers,_

_My name is Castiel Novak, and I have something to admit._

_This book is not entirely fictional._

_You see, when I was younger, I found my first – and to date, only – love. His name I shan’t tell you, but I will say he was the Daniel to my Charlie, and therefore the person who inspired this book._

_Should he ever read this, I would like to say, to my Daniel, I hope you’re doing well. I know that of course you will be, because you always were, even when faced with a certain obstacle I won’t mention. I hope you got the letter I left with the new tenants of my house, and I want you to know that what I wrote, I still remember, and that it still holds true._

_I wish you all the happiness in the world, my love._

_With your eyes greener than pine trees and clearer than spring water, I hope you have seen joy. I hope that the smell of whiskey and smoke still follows you, and I know that you will still have 80’s rock stuck in your head. You’ll be okay because I am okay._

_And I hope by some miracle, there might be a day where we can be okay together._

_-Cas_

Dean sighed and shut the book, holding it to his chest. ‘Always throwing in the last word, huh?’

And if a few more tears found their way down Dean’s face, he would have sworn it was because lots of people get emotional when they’re tired.

 

* * *

 

‘Thanks for lending it to me.’ Dean said, handing the book to Jo.

She took it with a wary look on her face. ‘Don’t tell me you finished it already?’

Dean laughed nervously and scrubbed his hand through his hair. ‘Maybe.’

‘Dean Winchester? Bashful? And a fast reader?’ Jo laughed. ‘Would never have guessed.’

‘It wasn’t that fast. It took me like 8 hours to read.’

‘Dude, that’s a 500 page book.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Right.’ She put the book on the desk beside her. ‘What did you think?’

Dean said nothing, he just shook his head.

‘Let me guess. It was like living through it again?’

Dean didn’t reply. He just shot her a look and said, ‘I’ll be in the workshop.’

Jo nodded, taking the hint. ‘Okay.’

 

* * *

 

As Dean worked in the garage, he tried to keep the letter at the end of Cas’ book from his mind, but as hard as he tried, it kept popping up. The thoughts the letter was part of kept changing, however. At first it was: “ _There might be a day where we can be okay together._ ” Like, what the hell did that mean? Did that mean Cas wanted to see him? Or just _wanted_ him? Then it changed to wondering what people thought about this whole letter thing. People obviously wanted to know who “Daniel” was based on, and as Dean had recently discovered – they had found out. But what did the non-fanatical people think? Were they impartial to it? Did they want to see their beloved author back together with his high school romance?

Dean rolled his eyes at himself. ‘Don’t be stupid. Why would they care?’ he muttered.

Nevertheless, he was still interested to see what they thought, so when he got home that night, he had dinner, a shower and then pulled out his laptop.

He yawned as the computer slowly started up, then logged in and jumped onto a search engine. He clicked in the search bar and typed: “ _Castiel Novak letter to his Daniel_ ” and hit enter.

Over three million results were found in less than a second. ‘Fantastic.’ He groaned.

Dean clicked the top result, what seemed to be a chatroom and message board for fans of Cas’ writing.

Some public bulletins were simple things like “ _Who is Daniel? Any ideas?_ ” and “ _I don’t want to say it, but could he have just made it up?_ ”, but then there were more in-depth posts like “ _Okay guys, someone get hold of his high school yearbook and do some digging. We should find this guy and then make them get married._ ” – which freaked Dean out a bit, and then there was one post that caught his eye. “ _Maybe we should just leave them both alone and see if the universe can get them back together. If they’re meant to be, they’ll find each other again._ ”

Apparently that post had caused some controversy amongst the patrons of that particular message board. He clicked into a chatroom that had “ _Should we find this Daniel guy or not?_ ” as its description.

 

_Guest1704 has entered the chatroom. Say hi!  
pyro67: a new person! What are your thoughts, 1704?_

Dean was momentarily confused before realising that he was being addressed.

 

_Guest1704: sorry what_   
_pyro67: should we find Daniel?_   
_hihiheidi: I think it would be a great idea, like if we could surprise Castiel? Idk get them on Ellen or whatever and have a huge reunion thing._   
_cat-a-pilla3: that is the WORST idea_   
_yeahnah: agreed, castiel isn’t a flashy dude_   
_Guest1704: I guess I don’t really care_   
_hihiheidi: then why are you here, 1704?_   
_Guest1704: just seeing what the fuss is about_   
_pyro67: have you even read Lost and Found? course there’s gonna be a “fuss”_   
_cat-a-pilla3: I think that perhaps we should leave them both alone – it’s not our place to shove them back together, like what if Daniel has moved on?_   
_hihiheidi: are you joking? who the hell would move on from that fine piece of ass?_   
_Guest1704: don’t speak about him that way._   
_yeahnah: 1704 speaks!_   
_hihiheidi: excuse you 1704, but I can speak about him however I like, he’s my husband_   
_Guest1704: you do know he’s gay right_   
_hihiheidi: so? he would turn straight for me_   
_cat-a-pilla3: that’s not how it works_   
_pyro67: that man is as gay as they come_   
_Guest1704: he once told me he was as straight as a wisp of smoke_   
_hihiheidi: HOLD THE FUCK UP_   
_yeahnah: wh a t_   
_pyro67: was that in an interview? never seen that quote before_   
_Guest1704: uhhhhhhhhhhhhh_   
_hihiheidi: HAVE YOU MET CASTIEL NOVAK 1704 TELL ME EVERYTHING WHERE DOES HE LIVE I HAVE TO MEET HIM_   
_Guest1704: uhhhhhhhhhhhhh_   
_cat-a-pilla3: I am emotionally invested in this now, pray tell us, 1704, how do you know our overlord?_   
_Guest1704: uhhhhhhhhhhhhh_   
_pyro67: sweet jesus this person knows castiel this is a breakthrough_   
_pyro67: seriously how do you know him_   
_Guest1704: I’m not talking about this_   
_yeahnah: wait_   
_pyro67: whaaaaaaaaa???????_   
_cat-a-pilla3: wait a second_   
_hihiheidi: hold the fucK UP WHAT JUST HAPPENED_   
_pyro67: are you_   
_cat-a-pilla3: are you?_   
_Guest1704: am I what_   
_pyro67: are you..._   
_cat-a-pilla3: are you Daniel?????????_   
_hihiheidi: no there’s no way that this guy is Daniel there is no way at all look at him I don’t think he’s even read Lost and Found_   
_pyro67: WELL HE WOULDN’T NEED TO HAVE READ IT IF HE’S DANIEL YOU IDIOT_   
_cat-a-pilla3: did we just find Daniel in a chatroom?????????_   
_Guest1704: I have to go_   
_pyro67: DON’T LEAVE US DANIEL_   


Dean disconnected, shut his laptop and threw it onto his couch across the room, fearing they might crawl out of the screen and into his apartment.

‘Holy fuck.’ He breathed. They had seen through him just like that. ‘Okay, calm down.’ He told himself. They didn’t know his name, or what he looked like, or where he lived.

Despite the fact that the media knew where he was, he wasn’t half as scared of them as he was of that “hihiheidi” person. She came across as overly fanatical and the type of person who was in danger of becoming an actual stalker.

Slowly, Dean went to his laptop and opened it again. He went back onto the bulletin board to see a new post: “ _Daniel was just in a chatroom with me. I got his IP address and I’ve tracked his location. Guys, we’ve found Daniel. Someone tweet Castiel!_ ” Dean looked at the poster – _hihiheidi_.

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!’ Dean cried. ‘Oh shit, oh shit.’ He clicked on the post. People had already started commenting on it.

A few people had said things along the lines of:  “ _That’s near where I live!_ ” and “ _I can be there in two hours!_ ” but one comment scared the shit out of Dean, and that was: “ _Holy crap, that’s my road. I know that building. Guys, I’m going there now. I’ll update in a few minutes!_ ”

That was when Dean leapt up from his chair and bolted to his door. He put the deadbolt across and double checked the other two locks before grabbing his phone off the kitchen bench and pushing the speed dial for Jo.

‘Dean! What’s up?’

‘Jo, I need your help. Right now.’

‘Why? Are you okay?’

Dean ran down the hall, grabbing a large duffel bag from a closet and moving into his room. ‘Uh, not really. I went onto a chatroom thing for fans of Cas’ writing.’

‘Okay... What’s the problem?’

Dean pulled open a drawer and yanked a few shirts out before tossing them into his bag. ‘The problem is that somehow they found out that I’m the person Daniel is based off in his book and they traced my IP address and they posted my location and now there’s at least one person coming to my house so you understand if I can’t stay at my house tonight so I’m packing a bag and I’m coming to yours because these people are fucking _lunatics_.’

‘For starters, that was a bad decision of yours to go to a chatroom–’

‘Yeah, I see that now!’ Dean yelled, throwing a few pairs of jeans in the bag, not bothering to fold them. ‘Anything else?’

‘Secondly, of course you can stay, but lastly, are you sure you need to come to my house?’

‘What do you mean?’ Dean asked, stopping midway to get a spare pair of boots.

‘You don’t think you’re overreacting? I mean, it’s just a few teenagers, right? The worst that can happen is that media will camp outside your house, and Gabriel already said that would happen anyway.’

‘So you’re saying that I should stay here and wait for a bunch of maniacs to come to my house?’

Dean could practically hear Jo shrugging. ‘I dunno, Dean. Maybe just wait it out.’

‘Wait it out.’ Dean repeated, sitting on his bed.

‘Do you want me to come over? So you don’t have to lie in wait for the fangirls by yourself?’

‘Fanwhats?’

‘Exactly. I’m on my way.’ Jo said, disconnecting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm going to try and finish this before February 24th, because that's when I start University (I got accepted - thank God - and I'm going to be a History major - v. excited) so I probably won't have that much time for this. If I'm going to finish this by then, I'm going to need to power through it, because the only other fanfic I have ever finished it actually 60k words. And I'm hoping to get this finished in at least 45k words. So yeah. Fun times. Hopefully many updates in the near future!


	20. How to Take a Bad Situation and Make It Worse

Dean was sitting in his armchair, staring at the door, and rocking back and forth. To say he was slightly freaked out that there was a hoard of people intending to come to his house because of his past relationship with Cas was an understatement.

Suddenly, someone knocked on the door. ‘It’s Jo, let me in.’

Dean got up and cracked open the door, just to check it was actually Jo. She glared back at him, so he took that as a sign to let her in. Pronto.

Jo slipped through, and Dean immediately redid his fortifications, and shoved a chair under the handle for good measure.

‘Really?’ Jo asked, looking at the chair.

‘I’m freaking out here, Jo!’ Dean hissed.

‘Look, there’s a few people working their way up your building, but they don’t look like they want to kill you.’ Jo frowned. ‘Well not all of them.’

‘They’re fucking crazy, Jo! Someone posted my address on the _internet_ to a bunch of people who want to marry Cas!’

‘Yeah, Dean. I know.’ Jo sighed, dropping her bag on the floor and sitting in Dean’s vacant chair.

Dean paced the room for a few more minutes, expressing to Jo how crazy he thought these people were, trying to find him. Finally, he stopped and sat on the coffee table across from Jo. ‘What do I do, Jo?’ he asked, putting his face in his hands.

‘Go with the flow, Dean. It’s all you can do.’ she replied, patting his shoulder.

Dean sighed. ‘Actually it’s not.’

Jo tilted her head. ‘What do you–’

Another knock on the door interrupted her. Dean and Jo looked at each other. ‘Do we answer?’ Dean whispered.

‘Do you want to answer?’

‘I can always shut it again.’ Dean shrugged, getting up and moving towards the door.

‘For someone who just called me in a panic and probably would have moved to the middle of Canada if given the chance, you’ve certainly changed your tune.’ Jo eyed him warily. ‘But sure, answer the door.’

There was another knock, more impatient this time.

Dean dislodged the chair and moved it aside, before unlocking everything on the door. He opened it and saw a group of four girls standing there.

‘Sorry to bother you, but we were wondering if you know who Castiel Novak is?’

Dean nodded. ‘Yes, I do.’

Two of the girls gasped, one looked like she might faint, and the other – apparently their leader – looked triumphant. ‘Do you know him on a personal level?’

‘Used to.’ Dean replied, shrugging.

‘Oh my God, he’s so hot.’ One of the gasping girls said rather loudly. She looked Dean up and down and sighed wistfully.

Dean refrained from moving away from them. ‘Is there something I can help you with?’

‘You can help me any time.’ The flirty girl said, winking. ‘And you can help me in _any_ way.’

‘Oh my God, will you shut up.’ The leader said. ‘We were wondering if you were the Daniel that Mr Novak wrote about?’

Dean sighed and rubbed his neck. ‘From what I hear, yeah.’

This time, all four girls squealed. ‘We found him.’ The leader whispered, apparently to herself. ‘Would it be a bother of us to ask you to sign our copies of _Lost and Found_?’

‘Uh...’ Dean looked down at the Sharpie and book she held out to him. ‘Sure?’ He scribbled his signature in each of the four books and handed the pen back. ‘Anything else?’

‘Can I just ask, what is your name?’ The leader asked, squinting at Dean’s writing. ‘Can’t quite make it out.’

Dean laughed. (The girls practically swooned.) ‘My name is Dean.’

‘Is that a “W”?’ she pressed.

‘Dean Winchester.’ He said, taking the hint.

‘Well, thank you, Dean Winchester.’ She smiled. ‘Sorry if we crashed your night.’

‘Nah, was just about to go to bed.’

‘Can I join you?’ Flirty girl asked, batting her eyelashes.

‘He’s taken.’ Jo said, sidling up to Dean and wrapping her hand around his bicep. ‘Sorry.’

The girls looked a mix of envious and confused. ‘Aren’t you gay?’ One of them asked.

Dean shrugged. ‘Bi.’ He was momentarily taken aback by his own willingness to admit that.

They nodded. ‘Who is she?’

‘Girlfriend.’ Jo smiled. ‘Night night, kiddies.’ She pulled Dean away from the door, then did all the locks up before turning to Dean. She sighed in resignation before sliding the chair under the door handle.

‘Girlfriend?’ Dean asked.

‘If Cas finds out about that wee incident, and somehow my name as well, he’ll know I’m not your girlfriend. Chill.’ She slapped him on the back as she picked her bag up and searched through it for a toothbrush. ‘Where do you want me to sleep?’

Dean shrugged again. ‘Wherever you want. Spare room has a bed made. You can sleep on the couch or in my bed. I don’t care.’

She nodded. ‘Okey doke.’

They walked down to the bathroom and brushed their teeth before Jo joined Dean in his bed, holding his hand as a sign of comfort.

 

* * *

 

 

‘Dean, wake up,’ Jo said, half asleep. ‘Someone’s at the door.’

‘Hmm?’

‘Dean, get up. Answer the door.’ Jo prodded his side.

‘No, you do it.’ He mumbled.

‘Dean, answer your FUCKING DOOR.’ Jo half yelled at him.

Dean sighed and walked towards his door, not bothering to chuck a t-shirt on – he was only going to go right back to bed and sleep anyway.

‘I should get one of those peep hole things.’ He muttered to himself, pushing the chair aside and unlocking the door, with the exception of the chain.

‘Dean Winchester?’ Someone said urgently. Dean thought they sounded far too awake for this time of night.

‘What?’ he asked, squinting at the light being pointed at his face.

‘We’ve got him.’ The person at the door said to their companions.

‘What do you want? I was sleeping.’ Dean rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand.

‘Tell us about your relationship with Castiel Novak. Would you say it was love at first sight? True love? Are you still in love with him?’

‘What?’

‘Aw, Dean. Give us something to work with here! Castiel Novak?’ It was that woman who was at Bobby’s earlier that week.

‘Fuck off.’ Dean said, shutting the door and relocking it.

He walked back down the hallway and climbed back into bed. ‘I’m not going to work today.’ Dean said to Jo.

‘What? Who was at the door?’ She asked, sounding more awake than Dean.

‘Reporters. That woman who was at Bobby’s the other day.’ He sighed and wiggled around to get comfy. ‘Imma call Cas today and tell him to get them to leave me alone.’

‘Right, you do that.’ Jo yawned and turned away. ‘Night.’

‘Mm, whatever.’ Dean replied.


	21. Correspondence

As he said to Jo – and he was surprised that he remembered – Dean tried to get hold of Cas the next day. Also as he said to Jo, he didn’t go in to work. Apparently word has spread – damn internet – and people now knew all about his escapades on the web and where he was currently living. From his window that faced onto the street, Dean could see a group of people camping out outside his building.

Dean didn’t really know how to get hold of Cas. He didn’t want to go through a P.A, he didn’t have a current cell phone number, and turning up at Cas’ house was out of the question – not even counting the fact that Dean had no idea where Cas actually _lived_ anymore, but really, Dean had no other options.

He opened his laptop and went onto Cas’ website. It was very cleanly presented, with a white background and simple black links, a few pictures drifting across the screen with information about upcoming events Cas would be attending. Dean waited for the images to get back to the beginning of the loop, wondering if there might be a picture of Cas in the mix.

After it became apparent that there wasn’t, Dean clicked the “ _Contact_ ” tab and saw there was an inquiry page that would be redirected to a personal assistant.

Dean clicked in the message box and typed.

 

_Uh... Hi, I guess._

_My name is Dean Winchester and I’m an old friend of Castiel’s. This page thing says my email will be sent on to a P.A and not Cas himself, so, I don’t know, if you could just tell him that I’m trying to get back in touch with him, I’d really appreciate it. Also if you could pass that on ASAP, cause there are people with cameras outside my apartment waiting for me to go out._

_So that’s it I guess. Just make sure Cas get this._

_Thanks._

Dean didn’t read it back to himself, so he could avoid second hand embarrassment from what he had written. He put his email address in the contact information and hit send before he could change his mind.

A few minutes later, Dean heard the obnoxious ‘ _ping!_ ’ that meant he had received an email. He opened his inbox to see an email with “ _From the office of Castiel Novak_ ” in the subject line.

‘That was fast.’ Dean said to himself, trying not to get his hopes up as he brought it up.

Partially to his horror, it was just an automated email to let him know that the office had received his correspondence. As a bonus, they had included a copy of his letter. Dean cringed as he instinctively read it back. ‘I sound like a teenage girl.’

Dean sighed, shut his laptop, grabbed _Slaughterhouse Five_ off its place on the shelf, and waited for something to happen.

 

* * *

 

Dean jerked awake to the sound of his ringtone going off. Vonnegut fell off his chest as he fumbled around for his phone.

 

_Unknown Number Calling_

‘What?’ he asked drowsily.

‘Hi, is this Dean Winchester?’ it was an unfamiliar, female voice. God knows he’d had enough strangers asking him that question in the past couple of days.

‘Yeah it is, and if you’re part of the media, you can go fuck yourself.’ He said, angrily.

‘I’m not, promise.’ She replied. There was a scuffle on her end of the phone and then another voice said, ‘Dean?’

‘Who’re you?’

‘Don’t recognise my voice? Not surprised.’ It sounded like this person – a man – was smiling.

‘Am I supposed to recognise it?’ Dean asked, yawning.

‘Sorry, did we wake you?’

‘Nah, just fell asleep reading.’

‘Oh... I got your email, Dean.’

Dean blinked a few times. It couldn’t be, could it? ‘Your voice has gotten deeper, Cas.’

A throaty chuckle. ‘Yeah, yeah it has. Yours has also, Dean.’

‘Mm, probably.’

Awkward silence. ‘So there are people with cameras outside your apartment?’

‘Yeah. I made the mistake of going onto a chat room. They saw right through me and one of them posted my location. Apparently word spreads fast.’ Dean explained. ‘I haven’t been outside in like, four days.’

‘Aren’t you running out of food?’ Cas sounded concerned. ‘You always used to eat like a horse.’

Dean nodded before realising Cas couldn’t see him. ‘Jo is staying with me. She’s getting food and mail and stuff.’

‘What about work?’

‘Bobby’s not exactly pleased, but he understands.’

‘Ah.’ A pause. ‘I’ve missed you.’

Dean sighed and fell back into his chair. How should he respond to that? Now didn’t exactly seem like the time to bring up how Cas could have found him years ago, so instead he replied with: ‘Yeah. Missed you too, man.’

‘Where are you living at the moment?’

‘My address is all over the internet.’

‘True.’ Another pause. ‘I’m going to pack a bag and I’ll be at your apartment tomorrow.’

‘What?’ Dean asked, taken aback.

‘What?’

‘You’re going to come to my house?’

‘Is there any reason why I shouldn’t?’

‘I haven’t seen you since we were 17, Cas! Besides, what do you plan to do once you’re here?’

‘Everything we never got to do last time we were together.’ Cas sighed. ‘Shit, sorry. That was a bit forward of me.’

‘Uhh...’

‘Yeah, I thought so.’ Cas sighed again. ‘Never mind that. I’m not going to come see you. I hope you and Jo are very happy together. Goodb–’

‘Me and Jo?’ Dean interrupted? ‘What?’

‘What?’

‘I haven’t... relationship... No. And definitely not with Jo.’

‘You haven’t?’ Cas asked, getting his meaning perfectly.

‘Not since I was 17, dude.’

‘Me either.’ Cas agreed. ‘But you’ve still..?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Oh. Me too. What now?’

Dean thought for a few minutes, and Cas waited patiently for a reply. ‘Pack a bag, what the hell. See you tomorrow.’


	22. Preparations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been longer than I had hoped to post this chapter but ah well. It's here now c:

As Dean hung up the phone, the reality of what has just happened had the chance to fully hit him.

‘That was Cas.’ He said to himself, almost in a daze. ‘And he’s coming here tomorrow.’ Dean didn’t know what to do. Cry? Laugh? Perhaps get more food? Definitely get more food.

He grabbed his wallet and phone before he shoved his feet into the nearest pair of shoes and charged out of his apartment. Of course, Dean had completely forgotten the group of people armed with cameras who had created a small camp at the bottom of his building. They leapt at the opportunity to photograph the elusive ex of Castiel Novak and began hurling questions at him. Dean fought his way through the crowd in an attempt to get to his car, and jumped into the driver’s seat. He put his key in and started the Impala as fast as he could, nearly running over a couple of people as he sped away.

 

* * *

 

By the time Dean arrived at the small supermarket a few minutes from his house, it looked like he had lost his new followers. He wandered around the store getting bits and pieces he needed – or that he wanted and Jo hadn’t bought during her shopping trips, namely pie.

Dean made sure to get some liquorice, the kind he remembered Cas liking all those years ago.

He quickly exited the store with his few bags of shopping and made his way home, fighting again through the photographers to get to his apartment.

Dean put his shopping away quickly and looked around his house. He sifted through the cupboard under the sink, finding a bottle of cleaning spray and a few cloths. His eyes drifted back towards his living area, and gave a small sigh.

‘Fucking messy, if you ask me.’ Jo piped up from the hallway.

‘Holy shit, Jo! You need to tell me when you’re here, not just...’ he gesticulated wildly in Jo’s direction. ‘Yeah. How did you even get in?’

Jo rolled her eyes. ‘You gave me a key, dumbass. What’s with the sudden need to shop and, apparently, clean?’

‘Uh...’

‘Dean... What have you done?’ Jo asked slowly.

‘Kinda mighta sorta emailed Cas–’

‘You did what?!’ Jo interrupted.

‘I wasn’t finished!’ Dean replied loudly. ‘I emailed his P.A through his website asking her to tell him to get in touch with me. They called me about an hour ago.’

‘They called you?’

‘Yeah.’

‘So you spoke to Cas?’ Jo asked, leaning against the doorway.

‘Yeah.’ Dean nodded and went to sit in the living area. ‘His voice has gotten deeper.’

‘That’s great, Dean.’ Jo waving her hand dismissively as she sat on the couch. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Why wouldn’t I be?’

‘You look... distracted.’

Dean shrugged. ‘I don’t know. They’re coming tomorrow. Well, at least Cas is.’

Jo’s jaw dropped. ‘Cas. Here. Tomorrow.’

‘Yup.’

‘Oh Dean. Is that wise? Your house looks like a bomb went off.’

‘That’s why I was going to clean it up a bit.’

‘Got it. Want help?’

‘Yeah, please.’ Dean smiled. ‘Just... wait a sec.’

Jo sat back down. ‘What’s up?’

Dean frowned. ‘I’m happy that I get to see Cas and everything – first love, whatever – but he could have made an effort to talk to me years ago. And he didn’t. Instead he wrote a letter to me in a book he didn’t even know if I would read or not. It’s like he wanted me to come to him or something. I don’t even know what I feel about Cas anymore.’

Jo was silent. ‘Well what does your gut say?’

‘Gut feeling... I don’t know. We could hit it off again and it could be like nothing ever happened, or the amount of time this has taken will put a strain on whatever happens. Is he expecting a relationship again? Am _I_?’ Dean put his head in his hands. ‘I just...’

‘You just..?’

Dean sighed. ‘I spent too much time pining over him. I dreamt about him the first few months after he left, I dreamt about us and what we could have had, and now it’s like I have a chance for it and I don’t want to take it.’ Dean took a deep breath and looked up to Jo. ‘What do I do?’

‘I don’t know, Dean.’

‘Then make something up!’

Jo shrugged. ‘I guess you just have to go with the flow. Do what feels right in the moment, and trust your gut instincts. It’s pretty much all you can do.’

Dean nodded and stood up. ‘I guess you’re right. Thanks, Jo.’ He pulled her up for a quick hug. ‘Now, let’s clean the shit out of this apartment. Literally.’

Jo laughed. It made Dean feel a little better.

 

* * *

 

Dean woke up with a half formed thought in his mind. _Cas is_... something. Cas? What was Cas doing in Dean’s thoughts?

Then he remembered.

He shot up in bed. ‘Cas is coming today.’

‘What?’ Jo mumbled beside him.

‘Cas. I need to shower before he gets here.’ Dean said, climbing out of bed and walking directly into his bathroom.

It took Jo a minute to register what Dean had said, but after she finished processing what Dean had said, she got up and followed him into the bathroom. ‘Wait, did Cas say when he was coming?’

‘ _Jesus, Jo_.’ Dean hissed, turning around to face the wall and cursing the day he decided to rent an apartment with a shower that had a clear, glass door. ‘No, he didn’t.’

‘Righto.’ Jo said, leaning against the sink. ‘So it’s kind of a sit-and-wait thing?’

‘Yeah, now can you turn around so I can shower?’

‘There’s also a mirror here.’ Jo said, rolling her eyes. ‘Besides, not like I haven’t seen you naked before.’

‘We were little last time that happened.’ Dean replied, grabbing his soap from its spot on a shelf.

‘Nope, we were actually 18 or 19. I remember it vividly.’

‘Oh. I remember that.’

‘Mm, well I doubt much has changed since then, Dean.’

‘Whatever.’ Dean shoved his head under the stream of water and ran some shampoo through it. ‘Why are you still here?’

‘Here in your apartment?’ Jo asked, inspecting her fingernails.

‘No, here in my bathroom.’

‘Good question.’ Jo paused. ‘Is it just me or are people screaming?’

Dean rinsed his hair and sighed. ‘No idea. Go look.’

Jo flipped him off as she left the bathroom. A few minutes later, she called back, ‘Yeah, uh, Dean? Someone with a small suitcase is entering the building.’

‘Oh _fuck_.’ Dean hissed, hastily drying himself off. He grabbed a pair of jeans and a relatively clean shirt and threw them on. He had just entered his living room when there was a knock on the door.

Jo looked at him. ‘Here goes nothing.’ She mouthed to him, giving a thumbs up and going back to the bedroom.

Dean took a deep breath and opened his front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. I had to.
> 
> Also, it might be a bit of a wait for the next chapter - firstly, because I haven't started it yet, and secondly, because I have a little oneshot to write for my bestest friend's 18th birthday. And I have no idea what the hell I'm going to write for her within the specifications. Who knows. I'll probably end up procrastinating that by writing the next chapter of this. Though her birthday is this Thursday so I should really write that asap. (Anna - if you see this, apologies bb.)
> 
> BUT YEAH. I'll see you when I see you. Feel free to leave comments, kudos, whatever. I love each and every one of you and really enjoy hearing your thoughts c: (If you want, you can let me know in my ask on Tumblr - moriartystea if you're interested.)


	23. The Inevitable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wheeeeeeee sorry this took a bit longer than expected. I got distracted. (In case anyone is wondering, Orange Is The New Black is really good.)

Dean wouldn’t admit it, but he could remember little about Cas’ appearance – the exception being the always-messy hair and eyes he had once compared to the colour blue. Needless to say, when Dean opened the door and looked up into a face that had changed so much but was still completely the same, he was left somewhat breathless.

Cas now had lightly tanned skin, his face had become more angular, and Dean would definitely say Cas had been working out. He wasn’t buff, but he was muscular in a way that suggested he ran, rather than used dumbbells on a daily basis. Of course, Cas’ eyes had become an even more electric shade of blue (which Dean didn’t think would even be possible).

Dean didn’t say anything, but a slow grin broke out across his face.

The grin that spread across Cas’ face mirrored his own. ‘Hello, Dean.’

‘Hey, Cas.’ Dean hovered awkwardly, deciding whether to grab Cas and hug him or just invite him in.

The choice was made for him when Cas pulled Dean towards him and enveloped him in a hug. ‘I’ve missed you.’ He murmured into Dean’s shoulder.

Dean half laughed and tightened his grip on Cas. ‘You too.’ He stepped back and gestured into his house. ‘Come in, sorry ‘bout the mess.’

‘It’s fine, Dean. It’s nice to be somewhere that actually looks lived in.’ Cas replied, smiling as he surveyed the house. ‘It’s very you.’

 ‘I went on a cleaning spree so you _wouldn’t_ see how very me it was.’ Dean said, rolling his eyes. ‘Jo helped. Thought it needed a woman’s touch or something.’

Cas laughed. ‘Is she still here?’

‘Yeah, probably in the shower.’ Dean put his hands in his pockets. ‘You look good, Cas.’

‘Thanks, so do you.’ Cas frowned. ‘Not that you have ever not looked good.’

‘Hah. I was pretty weird looking as a teenager.’

‘I don’t recall that. You’ve always been good looking.’

‘So’ve you.’

They stood in silence for a few minutes before Jo spoke from down the hall. ‘It’s weirdly cute that you’re both trying to say that the other is better looking. You’re like puppies trying to let each other keep the chewtoy.’

Dean blinked. ‘That makes no sense.’

‘Sure it does.’ Jo replied cheerily, coming into the room. ‘Good to see you, Cas.’

‘You as well.’ Cas smiled. ‘You know, you’re also a very beautiful person, Jo.’

‘Aren’t you gay?’ Dean asked as Jo blushed and looked to be on the verge of giggling.

‘Dean, I’m as gay as a unicorn throwing glitter off a rainbow.’ Cas replied, raising his eyebrows. ‘But that doesn’t mean I’m oblivious to a beautiful woman.’

‘Right.’ Dean sat in his armchair and gestured for Cas to do the same. ‘So what’ve you been up to?’

‘Not much.’ Cas shrugged, sitting on the couch and clasping his hands together. ‘Went to college on a scholarship and got a degree in English and Religious Studies. Wrote a book, got it published, wrote a few more, travelled, and now I’m here.’ He looked up to Dean from his hands and smiled. ‘You?’

‘College as well. Degree in Mechanical Engineering. Been working at Bobby’s since I started college and pretty much never left.’ Dean sighed. ‘Not as interesting as you.’

‘I’m sure it’s quite a story, Dean. How’s Sam?’

‘You remember Sam?’ Dean asked, almost shocked that Cas remembered his brother after all this time.

‘Of course.’

‘Well, he’s at Stanford studying Law. He’s doing really well for himself. He also has a girlfriend – Jess. They seem happy.’

‘That’s great.’ Cas looked like he was going to say more, but he shook his head and looked to his hands again.

Dean frowned. ‘What’s up?’

‘Hmm?’

‘You were going to say something.’

‘How did you know?’ Cas asked, smiling sadly.

‘I might not have seen you for years, but I still know you. What’s on your mind?’

Cas laughed to himself. ‘Yeah. I just...’ he looked up to Dean and half shrugged. ‘I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to find you again, Dean. After I was moved away by my parents, I never stopped thinking about you. I want you to know that.’

‘Then why did it take you so long?’ Dean asked. He knew they would address this sooner or later. He just thought it would be later.

‘Because I thought you would have moved on, or forgotten me, or both.’ Cas explained, picking at his cuticles. ‘I didn’t want to come back to be rejected and have my heart broken all over again.’

‘Then why did you come here now?’

‘Because you contacted me.’ Cas said, finally looking up to meet eyes with Dean. ‘Tell me now, Dean, and be honest. Do you think there’s any hope for us again?’

Dean leant back in his chair. ‘I’ve been thinking about that, actually.’

‘And what did you decide?’

‘I haven’t decided anything. I’m going with the flow and my gut.’

‘What does your gut say?’

Dean looked at Cas, and _saw_ what he was feeling. Cas was hopeful, but expecting the worst. His eyes were intense and studying Dean, looking for any micro-expressions that could give him away. Dean nodded slowly. ‘I’m in if you are.’

Cas blinked. ‘I’m sorry?’ Not expecting that, apparently.

‘If you think this can work, then I’m willing to try again.’ Dean rephrased.

‘Seriously?’ Cas asked, a grin spreading across his face.

‘Absolutely.’ Dean replied, grinning back.

‘Thank God.’ Cas breathed, practically leaping at Dean. He pulled him in for an even tighter hug than before and kissed Dean’s cheek, jaw, ear, and anything he could reach.

‘One condition though.’ Dean said, voice muffled by Cas’ shoulder.

‘Anything.’ Cas said, still peppering kisses over Dean.

‘I want to know everything that happened after you left. No detail spared.’

‘That seems fair–’ Cas was set to continue, but his next words were swallowed by Dean, who had grown sick of talking and decided that a more physical activity was now required. Cas realised what Dean was getting at after shirt buttons and jeans were being undone. Cas giggled and ran his fingers through Dean’s hair. ‘Shouldn’t you buy me dinner first?’

Dean stood up, bringing Cas with him. ‘Why? Are you hungry?’

‘Hell no.’ Cas laughed as they crashed into a wall on their way towards the bedroom.

‘Good. We can get dinner later.’ Dean said, winking at Cas. ‘Jo–’

‘Jo?’ Cas interrupted. ‘She’s not joining us. I draw the line there, Dean.’

Dean ignored him and called out again. ‘Jo, if you’re still here somewhere, you need to leave.’

‘What?’ she replied. ‘Why?’

Dean maintained eye contact with Cas as he said, ‘You know how when Cas and I were together in high school and you told me you didn’t want to hear us having sex?’

A few seconds later, Jo walked past them in the hallway, bag in hand. ‘Understood. Have fun!’

‘Mm,’ Dean said into Cas’ skin. ‘Lock the door on your way out!’

Cas smiled as he captured Dean’s mouth with his own, and laughed as they fell backwards onto the bed. ‘I was hoping we’d end up here.’

‘I think it was kinda inevitable.’ Dean replied, reaching over to his bedside table for the lube and condoms he kept there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't write smut to save my life, which is why there is basically none here (sorry y'all) like the only thing I can do is make things sad and depressing.
> 
> Hopefully that won't happen to this. Idk I haven't planned it.
> 
> Anyway, thank you all for commenting and the kudos! (And happy Valentine's everyone!)


	24. Pasta Under The Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: As I upload this, it's 1:51am and I'm pretty tired so I nearly titled this chapter "Pasta Under The Tsars" which would've been a COMPLETELY different thing.

When Dean woke up, he wondered idly why Jo was clinging to his side. Whenever she stayed at his house, and slept in his bed, she always kept to her side of the bed. Dean thought maybe she had started holding him without realising.

He looked down to see if Jo was still asleep and was startled when instead he saw a mop of fluffy black hair. That’s when it came back to Dean.

Cas was here. Cas was _in his bed_. He and Cas. Together. Dean grinned despite himself and twisted slightly onto his side so he could check he wasn’t dreaming.

To Dean’s surprise, Cas was awake. He smiled back and yawned, momentarily tightening his grasp. ‘Hello, Dean.’

Dean couldn’t help it. He started laughing, and soon Cas had also started giggling. ‘How long have you been awake?’ Dean asked, after finally regaining composure.

‘Mm... maybe half an hour?’

‘Why didn’t you wake me up?’

‘You look so peaceful when you sleep. I didn’t want to disturb you.’

‘Oh... Hungry?’ Dean asked. His stomach growled and he remembered he hadn’t even had breakfast yet. With a quick glance at his alarm clock, he groaned. ‘Are you shitting me? It’s nearly 2pm.’

‘You always had a very eloquent manner of speaking, Dean.’ Cas laughed. ‘Lunch?’

‘Sure.’ Dean smiled. ‘Let’s see if I have anything other than pie in my cupboards.’

‘We can always go out for a meal?’ Cas suggested.

Dean attempted a shrug. ‘I suppose. We should get up then.’

‘Mm. Probably.’ Cas agreed, disentangling himself from Dean. ‘Maybe a shower too.’

‘There’s an idea.’ Dean grinned, wiggling his eyebrows.

‘Race you there?’ Cas asked, rolling out of the bed and standing in one fluid move. ‘Actually, where is it? I haven’t seen much of your apartment.’

‘Just down the hall. Second door on the right. I’ll be there in a sec.’

Cas nodded. ‘Okay. Don’t be too long.’ He said, walking from the room.

Dean watched him walk out and wondered what he did to suddenly have such an angelic being put back in his life. As soon as Cas was out of sight, Dean grabbed his phone and sent a text off to Jo.

 

_2:01pm – Jo [SENT]_

_Jo, I think we have a problem._

_2:01pm – Message from: Jo_

_Oh God, what?_

_2:02pm – Jo [SENT]_

_I think... I think I might love Cas again. Still. More._

_2:02pm – Message from: Jo_

_Surely that’s good though?_

_2:03pm – Jo [SENT]_

_Maybe it is. Gotta go. Shower time ;)_

_2:03pm – Message from: Jo_

_That’s nice. I’m glad you’re happy though. Have fun and be safe! I hear that more injuries are caused by shower sex than um... Not having shower sex._

_2:04pm – Jo [SENT]_

_Thanks, Jo. Good to know._

* * *

 

‘You weren’t joking when you said you had a lot of pie.’ Cas mused, browsing through Dean’s pantry.

‘Nah, man. Pie is the best thing ever.’ Dean replied, leaning against the bench. ‘Did you want to go out for lunch?’

‘Too late for lunch, Dean. I vote pie now then out for dinner instead?’

‘Sounds good.’

‘Anywhere in particular we should go? I’ll get Meg to make a reservation.’

‘Meg?’

‘My P.A.’ Cas explained. ‘She’s more of a friend, actually. Anyway, she came with me because she wanted to meet you.’

Dean nodded. ‘Where is she staying?’

‘No idea. She booked herself into a room somewhere.’ Cas shrugged.

‘Well, as long as she doesn’t join us for dinner, we’re good.’ Dean replied, grabbing a fork and cutting himself a chunk of apple pie.

‘I doubt she’ll join us.’ Cas said, getting his own pie.

‘I think that “doubt” is a good first step to “won’t”.’

‘Mm. Seriously though. Dinner. Suggestions?’ Cas watched Dean chew slowly as he thought.

‘There’s a good little Italian place just down the road. They know me, so I might as well make the reservation.’ Dean said, waving his fork in the air. ‘If you want.’

‘Sounds perfect.’ Cas smiled. ‘Finally, a real date from you.’

 

* * *

 

‘Cas, Jesus. Hurry up. You said you’d be ready by now.’ Dean whined, calling down the hallway.

‘Shut up, Dean.’ Cas called back. ‘I have an image to maintain, and we still have ten minutes.’

‘Ugh, you’re such a girl.’ Dean said, rolling his eyes. ‘You’re like Sam.’

Cas walked down the hall, narrowing his eyes at Dean. ‘So are you saying that by dating me – because that’s what’s happening – you’re essentially fucking your brother.’

Dean scrunched his face. ‘God no. That is definitely not what I’m saying.’

‘Relax, Dean.’ Cas laughed. ‘I’m joking.’

‘Yeah, I know. Are you ready now?’

Cas sighed. ‘I guess. Walk or drive?’

‘Either.’ Dean shrugged.

‘Still got that old Chevy?’ Cas asked as they walked to the door.

‘The Impala? My baby? Of course.’ Dean grinned. ‘I fixed her up a bit since high school, don’t worry.’

‘Worry? Why would I worry? If you say it’s safe to drive, I believe you.’ Cas smiled sincerely. ‘Now, let’s go, my honeybear.’

‘Honeybear?’ Dean stopped walking halfway to the door.

‘Just trying it out.’ Cas caught the look on Dean’s face. ‘No?’

‘Nooo.’ He opened the door with a sweeping bow. ‘After you, angel.’

‘Angel?’ Cas laughed, walking past him into the open air.

‘You’re named after an angel. It makes sense.’ Dean locked the door and they started down towards the Impala.

‘Makes sense. Ready for your photo to be taken?’

Dean groaned. ‘Fuck.’

Cas smiled and took Dean’s hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. ‘You’ll be fine. Just don’t be a dick. That only makes them stalk you even more.’

‘Fantastic.’ Dean mumbled as they came around a corner to be faced with cameras.

Cas smiled and led Dean through the gathered people and whipped out his phone, firing off a quick text as they got into the Impala. ‘That wasn’t so bad, was it?’

Dean rolled his eyes. ‘You face this every day?’

‘I don’t live in a small town, Dean. There are other people to annoy. I don’t see much paparazzi action, actually.’ Cas sighed. ‘It’s good. I can go buy a bagel without someone shoving a lens in my face.’

‘I’m sure you’re still attractive with bagel all over your face.’ Dean smiled, starting the car.   


* * *

 

‘Table for two under Winchester?’ Dean said, approaching the maître d’.

‘Mr Winchester!’ the maître d’ smiled. ‘Another lovely young woman with you here tonight?’

‘Not tonight.’ Dean shrugged. The staff here pretty much all knew Dean by name, and Dean in return knew theirs – except this guy. He never wore a name badge and Dean never remembered to ask. ‘I have a good friend of mine with me though.’

At that moment, Cas popped his head out from behind Dean. ‘Hello.’

‘Good evening, sir.’ The maître d’ replied politely, nodding to Cas. ‘Your usual table has been reserved for you, Mr Winchester. I trust you do not need my guidance.’

‘Nah, I’m good. Thanks, man.’ Dean walked past Cas into the dining room. ‘Follow me.’ He navigated the maze of tables to a door, which he pushed open and waved Cas through.

They now stood in a small courtyard, sheltered from the elements by walls of frosted glass. The ceiling was clear glass, which Cas thought would be beautiful on a cloudless night, to be able to see the stars. For added light, and to encourage the “dining under the stars” experience, there were strings of fairy lights going around the edges of the room. Initially, the space looked quite cold to Cas, until he spotted brass braziers dotted around the space, already full of glowing flames.

‘This is lovely, Dean.’ Cas smiled, sitting at the table Dean directed him to.

‘Yeah, I think so.’ He agreed, picking up a breadstick from the basket on the table and twirling it between his fingers.

‘How often do you bring dates here?’ Cas asked casually, and looking through the menu.

‘Not as often as he would have you believe. I come here alone or with Jo more often than with a date.’

‘Oh.’ Cas said, becoming slightly more relaxed. ‘Aren’t you going to look at the menu?’

‘Nah, I already know what I’m getting.’

Cas raised an eyebrow in question and Dean just shrugged by way of reply.

‘Good evening, Mr Winchester.’ A young waitress smiled, approaching their table. ‘How may I help you this evening?’

Dean knew this girl. She was finishing up her last year of high school and had once brought in her ancient pickup truck to Bobby’s after running it into a tree. ‘Eve, nice to see you. And we’ve talked about the... formal stuff.’ Dean waved his hands around.

‘Sorry, Dean. What can I getcha?’ she grinned, changing her speech pattern.

‘I’ll have the usual and... Cas?’

‘I’ll have the carbonara, I think.’ Cas said, glancing up from the menu and smiling at Eve.

‘Sure. Drinks?’ she asked, scribbling onto her notepad.

Cas looked back to the menu and flipped it over to the drinks selection. ‘I’ll have a glass of house red, thanks.’

Eve nodded and turned to leave, but before she did, she bent down and whispered something into Dean’s ear, making him laugh as she went to get their drinks.

‘What’s so funny?’ Cas asked. ‘Also, why didn’t she let you order a drink?’

‘My usual comes with a drink.’ Dean replied, still laughing a little. ‘She said that I had done well with you.’

‘And why were you laughing?’ Cas’ eyes narrowed.

‘She also said she didn’t know why someone like you would stoop low enough to date me.’

‘She knows who I am?’ Cas asked, frowning.

‘Teenage girl, dude. Course she does. The staff around here just don’t care. They’re good like that.’

Eve reappeared at that moment, carrying a tray with a glass of wine for Cas, and a tall glass of pinkish liquid for Dean. ‘Wine for Mr Novak and a lemon, lime and bitters for Dean. Anything else I can get you for now?’ she asked, setting the drinks down.

Cas shook his head. ‘Unless Dean wants anything, we’re good for now. And you can call me Cas.’

‘Nah, we’re good, Eve. Thanks.’ Dean smiled.

‘Okey dokey, Cas and Dean. I’ll be back shortly with your food.’

‘Lemon, lime and bitters?’ Cas asked incredulously.

‘Hey, I’m driving.’ Dean replied, raising his eyebrows and pointedly taking a sip. ‘So I feel like maybe we should start talking about... everything that’s happened in the past 8 years, or however long it’s been.’

‘What do you want to know?’ Cas asked, leaning forward.

‘So after you... left, you were in the middle of nowhere with Gabriel, your sister, and your parents, right? The way Gabriel described it, your parents were pretty harsh.’

‘Yeah. Gabriel was here?’

‘Mm. A few weeks ago. Warned me about my involvement in your book.’

‘Huh. Well, yeah. My father more than my mother. He told me he would not have a gay child, and despite the fact that both Gabriel and Balthazar also decided to announce themselves as bisexual, I got more attention for it. Maybe because I’m the youngest, maybe because my father never really liked me... I don’t know.’ Cas took a long sip of his wine. He’d hoped to be much more drunk for this conversation. ‘He turned to all sorts of methods. Intense bible study, isolating me from the outside world, he even tried beating it out of me.’

‘He did what.’

‘In the months before I escaped that house in the middle of the countryside, my father became quite creative. Plates were smashed, books with thrown, belts were flicked. I have a few scars actually. I’m surprised you didn’t notice them earlier, with the intensity you were studying my body with.’

‘Scars?’

‘I’ll show you some time. They aren’t huge, or particularly visible, but they are there.’ Cas drained the rest of his glass. ‘I don’t speak to my parents anymore.’

‘Gabriel mentioned that too.’ Dean said, soaking up what Cas said. ‘Not even your mother? Your father I can understand...’

‘My mother did nothing, Dean. She stood by and watched as her husband regularly raised a hand or fist to her youngest son.’ Cas sighed. ‘Let’s not talk about that any more for tonight. Have you seen your father?’

‘Nope. Looks like he’s fucked off. Haven’t seen him for over seven years.’

Cas nodded. ‘Seems like we both got rid of toxic parents.’

‘Seems like it.’

Cas cleared his throat. ‘So you said... that you haven’t...’

‘Relationship?’ Dean laughed. ‘Nah. Didn’t seem right.’

‘What, didn’t like them?’ Cas smiled.

‘Not that.’

‘What was it?’

‘They weren’t you.’ Dean looked up from his glass. ‘Like, yeah, sure, I dated people, had one night stands, but nothing lasting more than a couple months.’

‘Me either.’ Cas admitted. ‘I dated one guy on and off for a few months, but I never really liked him. He was actually an asshole.’

‘Sure it wasn’t me?’

‘Pretty sure. You aren’t British.’

Dean nodded. ‘No, no, I’m not.’

Eve chose that moment to reappear, plates balanced on a tray. ‘So here’s your food... Spaghetti bolognaise for Dean, carbonara for Cas. Also, there are a bunch of people outside with cameras, but we’re refusing them entry. When you want to leave, let me know and I’ll bring your car to the back for you.’

‘Thanks, Eve.’ Dean nodded appreciatively. ‘Would you be able to bring out that bottle of wine for Cas?’

‘Yeah, absolutely. Be right back.’ She grinned.

‘You let her drive your car?’ Cas asked.

‘She knows a good car when she sees one.’ Dean replied simply, picking up his fork and twirling spaghetti around it. ‘Now, eat.’

Cas didn’t need to be told twice. He speared a few pieces of pasta and smooshed them into the sauce before cautiously putting it into his mouth. He knew that different places had different recipes, but carbonara would remain one of his favourite dishes. ‘Holy mother of God.’ He moaned. ‘That’s fucking fantastic.’

Eve laughed as she came back (how did she appear so quietly?) and put the bottle on the table. ‘I’ll be back soonish to get your plates. Dessert menus?’

‘Definitely.’ Cas said through a mouth of food.

‘Cool. Enjoy the food.’ She said, leaving again.

‘Good food?’ Dean asked.

‘Don’t speak, I’m in food heaven.’ Cas said, waving his fork at Dean.

Dean just laughed.

 

* * *

 

Cas and Dean finished dinner, then had dessert (cheesecake for Cas and apple pie with two huge scoops of ice cream for Dean) and called Eve over for the cheque.

‘I’ll get it.’ Cas said, taking out his wallet. He put a couple of bills in, not only covering the bill, but also leaving a fairly large tip. ‘Thank you for your excellent service tonight, Eve.’

‘You’re welcome.’ She replied, smiling. ‘Should I go get the car for you?’

‘Yeah, thanks.’ Dean handed her the keys, somewhat reluctantly. ‘Don’t hurt my baby.’

‘I’ll be super careful. I’ll be out back in about five minutes.’ She said, leaving with Dean’s keys.

That left Cas and Dean a bit of time to sit back in their chairs and stare up through the glass ceiling. Cas was silent as he listened to Dean point out particularly bright stars and a few constellations that were visible. He was still pondering a few things when Dean touched his arm and told him it was time to go.

They walked out into the dining room and through into the kitchen where Dean led Cas towards an exit. As promised, Eve was there, waiting by the Impala for Dean.

‘Have a good night, guys.’ She said as they slid into their seats. ‘There are a few people waiting in ambush by the exit. Don’t run them over... much.’

‘Thanks, Eve. Don’t hit any more fat idiots.’ Dean replied, referencing something Cas hoped was an isolated event.

Dean started revved the engine and took off (at a respectable speed, of course) down the driveway and out into the street. They made it back to Dean’s apartment without running over any photographers and fell through the door to his house as they stumbled up the steps in the dark.

Dean went straight to the bedroom after locking the door and changed into loose sweatpants before getting into bed. ‘Night, Cas.’ He said before promptly falling asleep.

As Cas got ready for bed, he was still pondering over what had occurred to him at the restaurant.

As Cas fell asleep, in bed beside Dean, he couldn’t help feeling that beside Dean was exactly where he was meant to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another fun fact: I forgot there was actually a character called Eve in SPN before I named her that. I would like to thank my subconscious for keeping the name of background characters within the fandom. Four for you, subconscious. 
> 
> Anyhoo, that was a fun chapter to write. Somehow chapters I write where the location is a restaurant always seem to end up being longer than the rest. Whatever. I hope you enjoyed this chapter though! (Hopefully more to come soon!)
> 
> (sorry this took a bit longer though - i probably could have finished it a couple of days ago but i write in bed a lot and my cat has taken to sitting on my chest in my line of vision or attacking my hands. he was sleeping tonight though thank GOD.)


	25. Pie and Poptarts Among Other Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this week kinda shat on me, tbh. I started university and by Wednesday I was questioning my sanity and why I decided to go (maybe I was just in an "I fucking hate everything" mood idk) but whatever. I wrote another chapter (yay!) and my internet has stopped being an asshole for long enough for me to upload it. I know I said I would try to have finished this by like, last week, but that wasn't going to happen. Hopefully I'll still be able to whack out a chapter a week and write when I have time, but I don't know how long it's going to take me to finish this. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has decided to stick around to see this out though <3 Much love to all of you!

Cas decided to get up early the next morning.

He wandered into the kitchen, feeling perfectly at home, and scrounged up a few things for breakfast. Despite Dean’s recent shopping, he apparently hadn’t been considering the notion of breakfast as he bought items. Cas ended up artily arranging a couple of poptarts on a plate, with sliced fruit (which Cas was somewhat confused to find in the apartment of Dean Winchester) and some pie for breakfast. He made Dean some coffee the way he liked it (“Black, Cas. Black like my soul.”) and a cup of tea for himself (“Dean, you have to leave the bag _in_ for a few minutes, otherwise it’s too weak.”) before taking his makeshift meal into the bedroom.

Cas was surprised to find Dean missing from the bed when he returned, so he set the tray carefully on the bed and set out to find him.

They literally bumped into each other in the doorway to the bathroom, Cas going in and Dean coming out.

Dean’s face lit up as he looked to Cas, and Cas was pretty sure he had the same expression plastered across his own face.

‘Morning.’ Dean wrapped his arms tightly around Cas and kissed his hair. ‘Where did you go?’

‘Kitchen. I wanted to make you breakfast.’ Cas said, nudging his face into Dean’s neck.

‘Oh... How did that go? I don’t really have much stuff in the house at the moment.’

‘Not too badly...’ Cas shrugged. ‘Though it mainly consists of poptarts and pie.’

‘Breakfast pie?’ Dean asked. ‘Dude, I love breakfast pie.’

‘You love pie, period.’

‘Damn right. I’m an equal opportunity lover of pies.’

‘I know.’ Cas replied, pulling back. ‘Shall we? I made you coffee too.’

‘Ah, Cas.’ Dean sighed. ‘How will I manage without you?’

Cas frowned as they rounded the corner into the bedroom. ‘I was going to talk to you about that, actually.’

‘Oh?’ Dean took a sip of his coffee.

‘You see, now that I have you again, I don’t intend to let you go in the near future.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Come back to New York with me.’

Dean set his cup down. ‘I can’t. I can’t just leave like that.’

‘Then I’ll move out here.’

‘I can’t ask you to do that.’

‘You’re not asking, I’m telling.’

‘I’m saying no, Cas.’ Dean said, putting down the fork he had just picked up. ‘You have a good thing going in New York. You can’t move out here because of me.’

‘Yes, I can. And I will.’

‘Cas –’

‘Dean, shut up. I have two days left here, and I have come to the conclusion that two days is not going to be enough.’ Cas sighed angrily. ‘You always were a stubborn asshole, and even though I just found you again a couple of days ago, I feel like nothing ever happened. I feel like this is where I’m meant to be. Here. With you. It feels right, and I don’t want anything to change.’

Dean was quiet for a few minutes as he ate a slice of apple. ‘Cas, we haven’t labelled this.’

‘I just did. I want you, Dean, and I want to be with you. Nothing has felt this right in such a long time.’

‘Does this mean we’re dating?’

‘Yes, Dean. It does. Though I think “dating” is a downplaying it a little.’

‘Cas, it’s like 8 in the morning. You need to speak in smaller words. What are you trying to say?’

‘For starters, it’s 10 in the morning.’ (Cas rolled his eyes as Dean said, “Well fuck, so it is.”) ‘And what I’m trying to say is that I still love you and I want to spend my life with you and never be parted from you again.’

Dean narrowed his eyes. ‘Cas... Are you...’

‘Proposing? Yeah. I think so.’ Cas replied fiercely.

‘Why would you want to marry me?’

‘Because I love you.’ Cas shrugged. ‘You’re intelligent, educated, funny, ridiculously good looking, and I’ve always been happiest with you.’

‘You barely know me anymore.’

‘I know enough.’ Cas insisted.

‘Not enough to marry me.’ Dean sighed.

Cas looked down into his tea, swirling the dregs at the bottom. ‘So are you saying you just want me to leave? That you don’t want anything to come out of this?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Then why did you call me?’

Dean sipped his coffee. ‘Because I wanted to see you.’

‘But you don’t want to see me again after I go.’

‘No! Yes? I missed you for so long, Cas.’ Dean put his cup down on the tray. ‘You don’t know what it was like. Not knowing what the fuck had happened to you. It took me fucking _weeks_ to stop spending every waking moment fucking thinking about you. It took me even fucking longer to stop thinking about you, full stop. It ruined my relationships because I always had you in the back of my mind, so I went and fucked it out with random people I found in bars because I couldn’t bring myself to focus that much attention and love on one person again.’

Cas sighed as he put his cup down next to Dean’s. ‘You think I don’t know that?’

‘You’re sure as hell acting like it.’

‘Dean, what do you want me to say? What do you want to happen?’

‘I want to see your fucking stupid face every day, and I want us to have fucking pie for breakfast and drive around in the Impala – because you fucking belong in that car – and I don’t want to go through that separation again because it fucking _broke_ me last time, and I’m pretty sure it would kill me to do it again.’ Dean stood up and started pacing. ‘I thought I had stopped feeling anything towards you, then I read your damn book and it seemed like a great idea to contact you and then you fucking called me, and now you’re here and nothing has changed. Actually, it feels fucking stronger than it ever has because you are _perfect_ , Cas. If not for anyone else, but for me. I love you so much it fucking hurts right now and I hate it and I hate _you_ for it because it’s like I’m drowning and my lungs are burning but I can’t die because you’re the person keeping me under and...’ Dean exhaled and stopped moving. ‘I don’t mind drowning because it means I get you.’

Cas tilted his head, surprised at this admission from Dean. ‘So are you saying you _do_ love me? And you don’t want me to go?’

‘That’s fucking exactly what I’m saying.’

‘But marriage..?’

‘Is not in the picture right now.’

‘Okay.’ Cas nodded. He knew it was a long shot anyway. ‘But about New York?’

‘I’ll think about it, but I won’t make promises.’ Dean replied, sitting back on the bed. ‘Can we stop all this talking though? I want to eat my pie.’

Cas smiled. ‘Yeah. We can eat pie.’ He said, wrapping his arms around Dean’s waist.

‘Good,’ Dean said, relaxing a little. ‘Because I am damn hungry.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whispers* please let me know what y'all thought of this chapter i have no idea what i was doing and yeah whatever
> 
> but thank you for all the kudos, comments etc so far! <3


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